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“Is There Something I Should Know?” by Duran Duran included on the re-release of their debut album Duran Duran New Wave was the pop synthesis of post-punk and the new romantics. Johnny Rotten was now John Lydon, Adam had shed…

Lifetime: Television For Women Original Movies In Development For Fall/Spring 2006/2007

by Mick Stingley

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Literary Imbroglio
Friday, April 28, 2006   |    Fiction

Favorable Outcomes Generated by Talking About the Weather

by Eric Feezell

Stan: Hi, Margaret.

Margaret: Hey, Stan, how ya doin’?

Stan: Oh, O.K. So did you hear on the news? It’s going to hail today.

Margaret: Oh. No, I didn’t. It does feel a little cold, now that you mention it. Thanks for the update, Stan.

Stan: Think nothing of it. Nice bikini, by the way.

* * *

Bob: Hey there, Ed. Long time no see. How are the kids?

Ed: Fantastic. Sandra got straight As, and Eddie Jr. pitched a no-hitter in his Little League game last Saturday.

Bob: Wow, that’s great!

Ed: How about you and yours? How’s the missus?

Bob: Oh, not too good. She’s at the Betty Ford Clinic again.

Ed: Oh…

Bob: Yeah.

Ed: Wind’s sure blowing up a gale today, ain’t it?

Bob: Sure is, Ed.

Ed: Well.

Bob: Nice talkin’ to ya, Ed.

* * *

Waitress: Well here’s a face I haven’t seen in a while. The usual for you?

Customer: Yep. The usual.

Waitress: And a Diet Pepsi?

Customer: You said it.

Waitress: So how’s life?

Customer: I can’t complain. Boy, is it ever hot outside, though. I mean, geez Louise!

Waitress: That reminds me! I need to call the electric company to come out and fix my A.C. Knew I forgot to do something this morning. I was in such a rush!

Customer: Well, glad I could be of service to YOU for once!

Waitress: Thanks! My husband would have killed me!

Customer: Ha!

Waitress: No, really.

Customer: Oh.

* * *

Coworker 1: Out for a stroll?

Coworker 2: Yeah, I always enjoy a nice walk along the docks on my lunch break. Get out of the office for a few, you know?

Coworker 1: Me too.

Coworker 2: Man, take a look out over the bay, though. It sure looks like it’s gonna start dumping here in the next hour.

Coworker 1: Yeah, no kidding. Hey, do you think I could get a ride home today? I hate walking to the bus stop in a downpour.

Coworker 2: Sure, no problem. You’re totally on my way.

Coworker 1: Say, don’t you drive a convertible?

Coworker 2: Oh, shit! That would’ve sucked BIG TIME! Thanks for putting two and two together.

* * *

Lame Guy: How are you?

Cute Girl: Fine.

Lame Guy: What’s your name?

Cute Girl: Beth. Why?

Lame Guy: Ooh, Beth. That’s nice. You smell nice. I’m Ben, by the way.

Cute Girl:

Lame Guy: You look familiar. You come to this park often?

Cute Girl: No.

Lame Guy: Hmm. I, uhh, must be thinking of somebody else. Yeah.

Cute Girl:

Lame Guy: So, you’re a nature lover, too, I take it?

Cute Girl: No.

Lame Guy: Oh, that’s cool. It sure is nice out today. So, uh…

Cute Girl:

Lame Guy: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and temperate.

Cute Girl: Oh…my…GOD! I LOVE that sonnet!

Lame Guy: What?

Cute Girl: How did you know?!

Lame Guy: Know what?

Eric Feezell has appeared, among other places, at McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Opium, and 7-Eleven.