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Thursday, May 4, 2006

C.S.I.: The Lost Franchises

Jensen Whelan

C.S.I.: Reno
Season 2, Episode 3

Detective Carl Jackson is a man with a troubled past and a passionate hate for underage gambling. When the former head of the Reno Crime Lab, Chet Meyers, retires to write crime fiction, Detective Carl (as he likes to be called) takes over as chief of a rag-tag team of Reno’s finest. In the midst of the chaotic transition, 16-year-old Jamie Sullivan arrives in town with $1000 in savings bonds, an otherworldly ability to count cards and an insatiable desire to G-A-M-B-L-E. As the man responsible for enforcing the law in the “biggest little city in the world” is Detective Carl ready to face his most difficult challenge to date? Can he prevent Jamie from spiraling out of control into the seamy underworld of underage gambling?

C.S.I.: Salt Lake City
Season 1, Episode 4

An unruly gang of Canadian tourists arrives from nearby Park City. After a long weekend of skiing, their flesh longs for the pleasures of caffeine, alcohol and R-rated movies. As they roam the streets of Salt Lake, their wicked Canadian minds are filled with one thought: the corruption of innocents. At a downtown park, these intemperate Canadians start a debate with local citizen Wallace Hayward about homosexual marriage and nationalized healthcare. Hayward sees these depraved foreigners for what they really are and calls the cops. Clearly, these Canadians are trouble. Their Made-in-Ottawa hand-baskets are full, their tickets paid for and stamped, and they are on their way to warmer, eternal climates. Or are they? C.S.I. Geoff Ledbetter and his merry team of Crime Fighting Elders must stop them before it is too late.

C.S.I.: Celebration, Florida
Season 5, Episode 5

Chuck and Marlene Wilson make the big move from the danger-filled San Francisco suburb of Walnut Creek to Celebration, Florida. This Disney-owned paradise offers the perfect respite for the family of four. Unlike Walnut Creek, Celebration is no latter-day Sodom and Gomorrah. It is all G-Rated-fun all the time. But as the Wilsons will soon learn, no paradise can last forever. After an outing cruising the tree-lined streets on their matching Segways, the Wilsons return home to realize that something is not as it seems. Somebody has been violating Celebration, Florida’s strict code of conduct. And doing it in the Wilsons’ front yard! Lawn gnomes and plastic flamingoes are strictly prohibited. Never the less, both are defiantly present on the Wilsons’ finely manicured grass. Is somebody trying to drive them from the perfection of this Mickeyrific town? So begins the Wilsons’ struggle against Celebration’s not so celebrated crime lab. Will the scared family eventually clear its name? Or will the crime lab prove once and for all that the nation’s C.S.I.’s are the toughest crime fighting teams in America?

C.S.I.: France
Season 1, Episode 1

In the riveting pilot episode of the first international C.S.I., Chief Inspector Jean de Jardine and his loyal troupe of gendarmes receive a visit from Det. Geoff Ledbetter. Despite his best intentions the bumbling de Jardine cannot manage to apprehend a dangerous network of sexy con-women. De Jardine longs for one thing: justice the old-fashioned American way. But with every successful scam, his dreams of electric chairs and lethal injections for the femme fatales are dashed. In an amazing show of international cooperation (despite the “Frenchness” of certain gendarmes), the two crews of criminal investigators team up to track the bad gals.

Jensen Whelan needs to supply some contributor notes for himself.