Friday, June 16, 2006 |
— Fiction —
A Successful Date Ends Badly for Dick Wolf — Creator of TV’s Law & Order
Dick: Well, I guess this is the end of our date.
Date: Thank you for a lovely time, Dick.
Dick: Time … That’s something Lopez will have plenty of at Rikers.
Date: What?
Dick: Never mind. I do that sometimes. I get a little serious at the end of things.
Date: That’s O.K. Well, that karaoke bar sure was fun. I didn’t know you were such a singer!
Dick: Singing comes easy … when you know the words.
Date: Uh huh. So would you like to come inside?
Dick: I am inside. Now let’s see if I can claw myself out.
Date: Right … Anyway … How was your sushi?
Dick: They can dress it up any way the like, but in the end … it’s just raw fish. DICK WOLF!
Date: Oooh! You startled me. How did you make that percussive noise? What was that? A gavel? A door closing?
Dick: Whether a door’s open or closed depends on which side you’re on.
Date: No, I don’t think that’s strictly true. I think that’s more of an inside or out thing.
Dick: I am inside. Now let’s see if I can claw myself out. DICK WOLF!
Date: Yeah, we’ve established that. Where did you get the black placard with your name? Have you been carrying that around all night? That must have been a pain.
Dick: It’s like they say: A man would give up anything he has except his pain.
Date: I don’t know what to say when you say things like that. Am I just—
Dick: DICK WOLF!
Date: O.K. Look, Dick. Up until these last two minutes of startling profundity, I was having a nice time. Even though I didn’t learn anything about your personal history or backstory I found you immediately engaging. You kept me guessing and intrigued, but now this. Look, I’m just going to put these last two minutes aside. Would you like to—
Dick: DICK WOLF!
Date: What are you saying? Dick Wolf? Is a that a command? Look, I’m going inside and—
Dick: Inside? I’ve spent—
Date: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, that’s where I’ll be. Goodbye, Dick.
Dick: … Dick Wolf?
