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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Thursday, July 20, 2006

Well, I Thought You'd Never Ask!

“Drop Your Pants” by Hilary from the EP Kinetic
Fourth week of August, 1983

hilaryphotodropyourpants.jpgI am struck semi-speechless by this Shreek, which is a rare occurrence indeed. “Drop Your Pants” has got to be the most single-mindedly risqué recording ever broadcast over the public airwaves.

I say this because there is absolutely nothing “double” about any of Hilary’s “entendres” here. I can think of no legitimately clean-minded reading of any of the lyrics, nor spot any subtlety in the metaphor that might allow for alternative interpretation.

To illustrate, let me quote the second verse in its entirety:

You hold the key, please unlock it
Don’t pull your plug from my socket
I am the woman to your man
It’s you that opens my tin can
I give the orders around this house
I’m the pussy to your mouse
Your sense of timing is uncanny
You play the cymbal on my fanny

You heard correctly. That last bit again is:

You play the cymbal on my fanny

I ain’t makin’ this shit up, folks. And then there is the immortal chorus, repeated at least a dozen times:

So drop your pants around your ankles
You make me shiver when you deliver

Deliver? Deliver what? There are only three real possibilities requiring dress code as stated, and I will choose the least unnatural, thank you very much.

Best Part: The synthesized sparkly/zippery/whooshy sting that somehow evokes Erection Surprise à la Sergio Valente.

Dale Dobson