Thursday, August 17, 2006

13 original episodes of hot, contemporary, youth-oriented Arthurian adventure, booking now for syndicated television markets worldwide:

The Sword and the Stoners
Arthur, Guinevere, and their buddies Gawain and Lancelot run into trouble on the wrong side of the moat while trying to buy marijuana. In the resulting scuffle, Lancelot kills three unarmored peasants and Guinevere’s blouse is strategically torn.

I Am Honored, MILFady
Morgause Le Fey (guest star Elaine Stritch), Arthur’s much-older half sister, gets Arthur drunk at the Yacht Club and seduces him. Meanwhile, Merlin changes Lancelot into an adult rubber novelty, having misheard a private communication at the Court Ball.
Green With EnvAY
Desperate to become a member of the Round Table clique, a well meaning outsider pimps out his armor hardcore with copper plating. Hilarious oxidation ensues. Later, Lancelot threatens to vote Gawain out of Camelot when he is discovered to be carrying a lady’s silken girdle under his armor.

Gauntlets of Dynamite
It’s showdown time at Camelot as Percival and Bors the Younger battle to carry Guinevere’s standard at the County Faire in a forty-eight minute wire-assisted one-on-one fight. As the battle rages on, Lancelot and Guinevere pass notes in the stands.

Fit for a King
The scheming Lady Anne, Guinevere’s ambitious lady-in-waiting, plots to blackmail her but ends up sleeping with Arthur herself. The experience is disappointing, and she writes a quickie tell-all book that ensures her exile to France.

Hard Magic
Merlin throws a costume party and is smitten by the underage Nimue, Lady of the Lake, despite his ability to see into the future. The great wizard’s CGI-animated familiar Horny the Toad (voice of Jon Lovitz) races to warn the Knights of the Round Table, and a timely intervention prevents statutory disaster.

Whose Fief Is It Anyway?
Rigorous entrance criteria proposed by Lancelot threaten Arthur’s desire to recruit more non-traditional Knights in this very special episode, guest-starring John Leguizamo, Oliver Platt and Wanda Sykes.

Boogie Knights
After a discreet, romantic weekend away, Lancelot and Guinevere are shocked to discover that an unauthorized video of their bedroom antics is circulating on For the sake of the kingdom, Arthur begs Merlin to use powerful magic to turn back time, but Merlin tells him to come back in ten minutes.

That Was the Quest That Was
Diplomatic tensions and mass panic arise in Camelot as bumbling King Pellinore of Listenoise invades in search of the Question of Mass Destruction, a mustachioed beast with a military beret, a quantity of yellowcake uranium, the wiliness of a fox, and feet of clay. All is resolved when Bors the Elder points out that King Pellinore is an idiot.

Galahad’s Time Tour
Galahad is magically pulled across the time-space continuum, where, disoriented and alarmed by modern sights and music, he murders Darrin Stevens, Captain Tony Nelson, Xander Harris, and Bill O’Reilly.

Holy Grail!
Camelot is abuzz over the Knights’ discovery of the Holy Grail, until Tristan, Gareth, and Lamorak all arrive at court bearing identical bootleg grails purchased from an unscrupulous street vendor (guest star Tom Skerritt).

Joust Friends
After Lancelot departs for France, Guinevere plans a knightly tournament to decide with whom she should sleep next. When she learns King Arthur himself has entered under an assumed identity, she replaces the event with a public peasant-flogging.

Dread and More Dread
Morgause Le Fey has borne Arthur’s son, Mordred (Season 2 series regular Seth Green), who arrives at Camelot fully-grown thanks to magical product placement by TiVo. A potentially disastrous cliffhanger ending ensues!

Mother Goose Talks ... Things MOTHER GOOSE ON FIRE SAFETY Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack jump over the candlestick. No, OVER, Jack, it's-- Oh my soul, your pantleg! Jack, stop, drop, and roll! There, good ... Wait, don't roll THAT way, Jack! The...
Sorry, But I Just Can't Marry a Woman That Doesn't Look Hot on the JumboTron I just finished watching the replay of my proposal in dynamic, pixelated high resolution and I've got to tell you: I made a JumboTron-size mistake.
How To
Test Your Sexist, Ageist, and Racist Tendencies Analogy Problems Designed to Test for Ageism: 1. If an 18-year-old girl is like a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut, then a sexy middle-aged woman is like: a. a cinnamon bun b. mincemeat pie c. year-old ham in the back of...

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