American Standard The Movie
& Recently . . .

Dear Mr. Cigarette

by Erik Wennermark

Polish Fact

Daily Newspapers:
Gazeta Wyborcza
Super Express
Nasz Dziennik

Weekly Magazines:
Wprost (rightwing)
Polityka (leftwing)
Newsweek (Polish edition)
Najwyższy Czas! (rightwing)
Przegląd (leftwing)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

¿Habla Español?
¡Choque y temor! ¡Misión lograda! ¿Qué guerra?
Shock and awe! Mission accomplished! What war?

Syndicate! RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm
Large Print | Spanish Bea! Add to your Kinja digest Creative Commons License
This journal is licensed under a Creative Commons License and powered by Movable Typo 3.15.
© MMV, Y.P.R. & Co.
I am Y.P.R.'s Boring Logo

Literary Ripsnorter
Wednesday, September 20, 2006   |    How To

Money-Making Secrets—Revealed!!!

by Dale Dobson

I made $28,000 with only ONE HOUR of work in my spare time. It was no problem at all to get started, there was absolutely no financial risk to me or my family, and the rest was so easy I barely even noticed it was happening! I just sat back and let the money roll in!

How did you do it?

I invested $700,000 in a Certificate of Deposit at 4% effective-rate interest for twelve months.

* * *

Yesterday I was down and out, with no self-respect, no gas in my car, and no money in my pocket. I was working like mad at a new job, but didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. Twenty-four hours later, I’m sitting pretty with a full tank of gas and eight hundred dollars in the bank!

How did you do it?

I got my first paycheck from the job I started two weeks earlier.

* * *

I was tired of the corporate rat race, always listening to some boss tell me where to go and what to do. Then a chance remark from a coworker gave me a brilliant idea. Now my time is my own, I have a steady, reliable stream of income, and my former colleagues regard me with respect and envy!

How did you do it?

I retired from the professional position I’d held for forty years, which provided a generous pension plan.

* * *

I never felt like I could compete with my trendy neighbors, who always seemed to be driving new cars, remodeling their kitchens, and throwing lavish pool parties for friends and family. I was spending way beyond my means just trying to keep up with the Joneses! So I took stock of my financial situation, studied the markets, and was inspired to come up with my Amazing Cash Flow Improvement Plan. Just three months later, I always have extra cash in my pocket, and my neighbors are looking up to me!

How did you do it?

I sold my home, established a personal spending budget, and relocated to a neighborhood with lower average income levels and socioeconomic norms.

* * *

I had been toiling for years at a dead-end job in a dry-cleaning establishment, and my girlfriend was always after me to start making some real money. One day a young man, not too much older than myself, came in with an armload of Armani suits and gold rings on every finger. He didn’t seem any smarter or better educated than me, and not nearly as buff or good-looking, but obviously he was rolling in dough. So I asked him what his money-making secret was, and thirty minutes later I had made two hundred dollars!

How did you do it?

I sucked the guy off, for two hundred dollars.

Dale Dobson writes, animates, and acts in the metropolitan Detroit area, and occasionally gets around to updating