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Literary Fracas
Wednesday, October 25, 2006   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Bobby Knight!

October 25, 1940 | Bobby Knight | general

Dear Bobby,

Happy birthday, you sexy beast. I’m a veteran of many an abusive relationship. In fact, nothing turns this puppy on more than being told I’m a worthless maggot who doesn’t even deserve to be there. Please Mr. Knight, Bobby if you will allow, please give me a chance. You can be my master. I’m a particularly big fan of being kicked, smacked, spit on, verbally assaulted but my all-time favorite is being forced to run suicides to earn affection. The way I see it, I can go run into just any old abusive relationship, but if I’m going to do it, it might as well be with someone who has over 800 collegiate wins, right? I’ll be waiting.


Nick Jezarian