Tuesday, October 10, 2006

RUMMY32: what r u wearing
GitmoGuy: standard-issue prison gear
RUMMY32: like what
GitmoGuy: gray pants, gray shirt, all lice-infested
RUMMY32: love details
GitmoGuy: a guard is coming brb
[idle for four minutes]
GitmoGuy: sry im back
RUMMY32: what took u so long
GitmoGuy: just my 3pm beating
RUMMY32: describe it
GitmoGuy: one guard holds me down
RUMMY32: go on
GitmoGuy: then another one basically wails at me with a billy-club
RUMMY32: does it hurt
GitmoGuy: ROTF
GitmoGuy: in pain, that is
RUMMY32: lol
RUMMY32: get a ruler and measure the welts
GitmoGuy: four inches in diameter
RUMMY32: great visual
RUMMY32: love to strip you of more rights ;)
GitmoGuy: gotta go my guard is coming back
[RUMMY32 signed off. ]


* * *

DCinDC: anyone there
AverageJoe: hey
DCinDC: m/65/wash DC, u
AverageJoe: m/40/kansas
DCinDC: kansas…that’s a big target for terrorists isn’t it
AverageJoe: not that im aware of
DCinDC: yah i just heard about it on fox news
DCinDC: they want to attack the heartland to send their msg of hatred and envy
AverageJoe: seriously?
DCinDC: yah if i were you id be pretty scared
AverageJoe: what shld i do
DCinDC: i heard the dem candidate for guv wants to cut homeland sec spending
AverageJoe: really
DCinDC: and curb the power of the exec office in times of natl emergency
AverageJoe: i guess thats pretty scary
DCinDC: and eat babies :(
DCinDC: i just heard from a trusted source that the terrorists might be launching an attack, hafta run to my bomb shelter, u shld go to urs 2
AverageJoe: i dont have one
[DCinDC signed off.]
AverageJoe: u there? hello?
AverageJoe: how do i build a bomb shelter?


* * *

GWB43: wussup
OBLadiOBLada: booya
GWB43: u old dog, its been too long
OBLadiOBLada: i know
GWB43: when are we gonna see u again
OBLadiOBLada: i dont know, when do u think
GWB43: if its before halloween everyone will forget by the time of elections
OBLadiOBLada: true-dat
GWB43: but then people might dress up as u which would be cool and throw a scare into everyone
OBLadiOBLada: there gonna party like its 2001
GWB43: ah memories
OBLadiOBLada: heh heh
GWB43: my guys treating you well over their?
OBLadiOBLada: awesome, had mickey d’s tonite
OBLadiOBLada: hows saddam?
GWB43: hes completely pissed at u. hes like, y do i get blamed for everything that guy does?
GWB43: and im like, cos u tried to kill my dad, duh
OBLadiOBLada: totes. btw, say hi to 41 for me
GWB43: will do. darn, condi is coming
OBLadiOBLada: so?
GWB43: im not allowed on the computer past nine at night
GWB43: plus i have to give a big press conference tmrw
GWB43: and i spent the whole weekend watching baseball and havent practiced my hidden earphone use AT ALL
OBLadiOBLada: ok c u l8r
GWB43: not if i c u 1st :)
[GWB43 signed off.]


Teddy Wayne is a writer living in Manhattan. His work has also recently been published in McSweeney’s and Time magazine. He runs a 4.3 40 and was a Southwest Conference First-Team selection at cornerback.

Disquieting Modern Trends: Our Prescience Frightens Us Edition Little did we know, friends, that when we dropped goofy little Footnote #2 in our most recent missive, we were setting off a series of events that would shake up the world of what still passes for entertainment these days. We feel compelled to review the bidding and offer you--our ever-salivating-for-more public--a response commensurate to our position as cultural provocateurs à la mode.
Fiction
Masterpiece Theatre
Masterpiece Theatre Presents: Charles Dickens' Bleak House, Starring the Gremlins Welcome to another evening of Masterpiece Theatre. Tonight, we have a special event--an adaptation of the classic novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens ... portrayed by the Gremlins from the 1984 motion picture.
Fiction
An Excerpt from Gotcha! The 500 Best Practical Jokes for Amputees Chapter 4:The Great Outdoorsa (Pages 45-46) ... and while the mark is wiping her face on her shirt, with the prosthesis in your clean hand, simply wink and say, “Gotcha!” #131, A Day at the Beach. Sunny days seaside can...

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Syndicate

RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm | Spanish

Shop
Bea!
Support Submit
Submit
From the Y.P.aRchives
Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!)
Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review
Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies
Poetry & Lyric
Advice, How To, & Self-Help
Listicles
Semi-Frequent Columns
Letter from the Editors
Disquieting Modern Trends
Interviews
Interviews with Interviewers
One-Question Interviews
The Book Club
Media Gadflies
Calendrical Happenings
Roasts
Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives

This journal is powered by Movable Typo 4.01.

Crockpot!
© MMIII—MMVIII,
Y.P.R. & Co.