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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Things You May Exclaim After Tumbling Down a Flight of Stairs That Turn Out to Be Made Entirely of Funnel Cake

by Lucas Held


I’m … completely O.K.!

What the—!

There goes my diet!

The powdered sugar knocked my teeth out … probably … eventually!

Is … is this funnel cake!?! Follow up question: why is this funnel cake?!?

Hope you were watching, cuz you’ll never see that again, baby!

That’s the first time funnel cake saved my life not at a state fair!

(Upon regaining consciousness): I must meet the architect/frymaster!

Now that was weird … literally!

Man, I must look like a grade-A goof right about n— My leg! It’s broken!!!

Lucas Held is a New York City based comedian, writer and filmmaker. Search his name on YouTube to have your perception of reality plucked from the street in broad daylight, tortured, and left face-down in a ditch to die the lonely death of an anonymous drifter.