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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Friday, March 23, 2007

Kim Kardashian and Ray J Sex Tape Transcript: Spoiler Warning

K.K. & Ray J.Kim: Wow! What a room!
Ray: Ha ha. Yep. Only the best for you.
Kim: Hmm … what should we do? I see you got that camera going.
Ray: How about a little Sudoku? Got Will Shortz’s new book. Shit’s hard.
Kim: Sounds good. [Inaudible] bow tie is [inaudible.].
Ray: NPR wouldn’t know [inaudible] if it bit it in the inskeep.
Kim: [Inaudible] security?
Ray: I don’t know, baby. I just know private accounts aren’t the answer. I read a chilling article in The Prospect about what happened in England [inaudible] that shit [inaudible].
Kim: Ray baby?
Ray: What’s up?
Kim: Ray, do you think we’re going to invade Iran?
Ray: Nah. No way Congress will let him.
Kim: They let him last time.
Ray: Shit’s different now, Kim. Damn, you think too much. Sudoku’s hard enough without this deep stuff.
Kim: I guess I do think a lot. Whenever my friends and I get together we always end up depressed talking about [inaudible]. Wish I didn’t care so much!
Ray: That’s just because you’re a complex woman, Kim. You’re a thinker. That’s why I’m with you.
Kim: Ray?
Ray: Yeah?
Kim: Will you please finish that 48-ounce bottle of Evian so you can piss on me?
Ray: Sure thing, baby. Sure thing.

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