Mick Stingley is a freelance writer who lives in New York City. He is featured in Rock and Roll Cage Match, available from Three Rivers/Random House. He is 40 years old and refuses to cut his hair ’cuz he’s so fuckin’ metal.
Pots and Pans
The Idiots Next Door
This one’s a bit difficult as there’s a lot of kinks to work out, but basically I move in next door to a “green” family (these people who live in N.Y.C. and try to exist without benefit of anything inorganic) and just spend a year making fun of them and mocking their tofu-eating, compost-living ways. (It’s like, seriously, what the fuck are they doing here anyway?) Sample chapter: “Mister Softee/Fry-U-Lator!” This is where I buy a Fry-O-Lator and make French fries day and night to torment the children. When that gets old, I buy a Mister Softee ice-cream truck, park outside and ring that bell constantly. Anyone with kids will appreciate how frustrating this is to parents. And nothing but comedy!
Ants on a Tree
Penguins are really hot right now and I always liked penguins, even before those movies. I don’t know about surfing penguins or tap-dancing penguins, but the Morgan Freeman penguin movie was cool and I think it would be killer to go live with some penguins for one (1) year. But not anywhere cold; maybe the book would start out in Antarctica (definitely in the summer) but then would progress to a much warmer climate. Like Jamaica or the Caymans. Maybe I bring a penguin to a timeshare in Grand Cayman and live with it (alternate title: Grand Penguin). I actually pitched this to Penguin first, because, well, duh. The budget might be a little high for them right now, but the payoff would be incredible. Me and a penguin living in luxury in the bikini-infested waters of a Caribbean paradise? The movie rights alone would pay for this a thousand times over.
Haze of Wine N’ Roses