Welcome to the broadcast. Tonight, in part with PBS’s special on Goth culture, a round table with shock rocker Marilyn Manson; Robert Smith of the Cure; Morrissey, formerly of the Smiths, and Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. Welcome.

All:(faint murmuring) Hello.

Now, Marilyn … you just got back from a year long tour. How was that?

O.K., in a Middle-of-America sense.

How So?

I was in Dayton, Ohio. People are repressed there. The kids come to the shows to experience a certain kind of madness which they do not understand.

Same with Blackpool, England, actually.

Marilyn, what do you mean by ‘madness’?

‘Sanity’ is a paradigm propagated by the capitalists to enslave society to constantly feel the need to exercise their ‘mental health’ by consuming things labeled as ‘sane.’

I’m a little confused here.

It’s like, if I put a peppermill in my anus, society labels me ‘insane’. But if I use it for a salad, then everything’s just fine. People are so narrow-minded.

Um … O.K. That is very interesting, hold that thought. Now, Robert, how long does it take you to get your hair that way?

A little under three hours.

(Snickers.)

Wait your turn, Morrissey! I’m sure Charlie’s going to spend a nice chunk of time asking you about the difference between asexuality and celibacy and all your special thoughts on it!

Actually, our producers have here that Morrissey is homosexual.

Anal penetration does not make a man homosexual.

Jesus Christ, you guys are all a bunch of queers.

O.K., Trent, I’ve had it with you. I maintained my reticence up until now. God, you are so melodramatic. I just can’t take it anymore. Have you heard of metaphor? You should try not to be so literal in your songs. It’s like, ooohhh, you hurt. You hurt. I could fall asleep to your lyrics if your timbre wasn’t so abrasive and obnoxious.

Gentlemen, please.

The more I ignore you, the closer you get. Who knew?

That’s not funny, you prick. That song was written during a very difficult time in my life.

Gentlemen, now please. We have a lot to get through. I have questions about graveyards, bats, and skulls.

Charlie, I think you and your producers are gravely—no pun intended—confused. Those are heavy metal motifs.

Yes, I prefer white doves and Jane Austen novels.

Dude, you are so lost, man.

Do you know why you are depressed? Because you’re a very mean person. Do you know why you rely on drum machines? Because no human could ever stand you for more than twenty minutes. Just ask Morrissey here.

(Singing) ASK ME! ASK ME! ASK ME!

I’m going to kill you.

ASK ME I WON’T SAY NO HOW COULD I??!!!

After this show, if it’s in the elevator, or in the parking lot, I’m going to kill you. Literally. I don’t know how, I might need to find a pen or a fork, but I’m going to kill you. I’m not being rhetorical.

…

All: …

Um, yes. O.K. … So.

I also love Emily Brontë.

All: …

Wow. I’m sure Trent was just kidding. Morrissey, you should stick around after the show.

I think I might.

Anyhow, the documentary Goths: What’s the Big Deal? airs on PBS this Friday. Thanks again, everyone. See you next time.