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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Monday, October 8, 2007   |    Recycled but Re-Relevant

Happy Columbus Day (1492 Productions)

In the spirit of (the other) Chris Columbus, we republish a listicle by Mr. Dale Dobson from November 2005:

Nice Things to Say to Chris Columbus after Seeing Rent

  1. I still really like your screenplay for Gremlins.

  2. You sure didn’t screw up those two Harry Potter movies you directed.

  3. You sure showed those flat-earthers a thing or two back in the 1400s. Oh?

  4. You know, I know some choreographers, they’re really great people.

  5. I hear a lot of nice things about cinematographers. Those guys have, like, dozens of lenses to choose from.

  6. “La Vie Bohème” really rocked, but I didn’t have a good seat for the big finish.

  7. That Adam Pascal really had Roger down. You could tell he was stoned and spaced-out in every single close-up.

  8. It’s really cool that Mark’s 16mm camera is able to shoot Maureen’s video displays during her performance art piece without all that sync roll and flickering that usually happens. And sometimes his viewfinder appears in the finished print. That’s one magic camera, dude!

  9. Some of the lyrics sound kinda cheesy when the sets and costumes are so hyper-realistic. So it’s good that you turned up the music and drowned them out from time to time.

  10. It’s looking a little rough in dress, but it’s got a lot of energy. When does it open?