MMVII : The year in which screenwriters wrote only placards, [Rocking the WGA Strike], our preëminent heiress was imprisoned [Paris Hilton Writes to Governor Schwarzenegger from Jail by Shap Sweeney], Mr. Rove stepped down [Rove Over], Messers. Mailer and Vonnegut sailed away [Mailer Meets Maker, R.I.P., K.V. Jr.], and Mr. Potter vanquished Voldemort once and for all [Harry Potter and the … Blah Blah Blah].
Oh, and also a pop singer got a haircut, went to rehab, attacked the paparazzi, went back to rehab, flashed her ladyparts, lost her kids, and had a shitty big comeback on MTV. [ Disquieting Modern Trends: The Leviathan Stirs in Defense of All That Is Holy Edition, by Will Layman & Ed Fischer.] There may have been a war going on as well.
Mr. Frank Ferri brought us the Kim Kardashian and Ray J Sex Tape Transcript: Spoiler WarningRay: How about a little Sudoku? Got Will Shortz’s new book. Shit’s hard …
Mr. Ross Wolinsky expresses some heartfelt Comments on Last Night’s Orgy.
Mr. Brendon Lloyd provides a transcript of the Entourage Chat Room
Mr. Jesse McLean taught us How to Bluff Your Way Through a Heart Bypass.
Fig. 1 Coronary artery bypass surgery during mobilization of the right coronary artery from its surrounding adipose tissue. The tube visible at the bottom is the aortic cannula. The tube above it is the venous cannula. The patient’s heart is stopped and the aorta is cross-clamped.
Mr. Dale Dobson unearthed Notes for Jane Austen’s Helter Skelter
Chapter I — The events must be universally acknowledged. A young man has taken Spahn Ranch.
In Toy Stories, cultural critics Michael Rottman and Jeff Szpirglas have screened advance copies of the latest toy-to-film projects coming down Hollywood’s pike following the smash success of Michael Bay’s Transformers.
Mr. Shap Sweeney delivers sneak-previews to Faithful filmgoers with 20th Century Fox’s New Christian Mini-Studio FoxFaith Announces Its Planned Releases For 2008.
Mr. Eric Feezell discovers what those sexy soda singers sold Before They Worked for Fanta.
Selected masterworks from The Golden Girls Exhibit, Part I: The Old Masters arrived at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art this September.
Designer Dog Breeds: Rapper’s Edition
by Nora Fussner
Fox Hound + Schnauzer = Fo Schnizzle
Amazon Rankings of Children’s Books by Christopher Hitchens
by Mick Stingley
Mommy’s Not Going to Heaven,
“Finally! This is the definitive atheist and antitheist polemic teaching tool for children!”
Form Letter Rejection from the Magazine Every Day with Rachael Ray
by Theodore Carter
Chance Cards in Liberty City Monopoly by Mike Richardson-Bryan
Current Choix de Menu from the Café de Dictateur
by Eric Feezell
Ho Chi Minestrone & Steamed Musselinis (en sauce à vin blanc)
How to Write Poetry by Jamie Zerndt
Test Your Cultural I.Q.: I Love Lucy Episode or Noam Chomsky Theorem?
by Jonathan Stern
Can you discern the classic sitcom plots from the noted linguist’s views? Take this quiz.
The Secret Keyboard Shortcuts of Tuesdays with Morrie Author Mitch Albom
by Andrew Kiraly
F5: Earnestness checker
Ctrl- +: increases pathos