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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

How To
Are You Conservative or Liberal?

Michael Frissore

A Slightly Slanted Questionnaire

Which do you believe?

  1. a.) Criminals should be in prison.
    b.) Criminals should be on our city streets harming our children and raping our women.

  2. a.) Marriage is an institution, shared by a loving man and woman.
    b.) Fags should be free to change the very definition of marriage and recruit our children into their world of sexual deviance.

  3. a.) The Religious Right are morally good Christians and are protecting our children and our culture.
    b.) There is no God and we should all be morally corrupt.

  4. a.) Abortion is wrong.
    b.) Doctors should be given carte blanche to kill babies willy-nilly.

  5. a.) The media is liberally biased.
    b.) I’m a big, goofy liberal who doesn’t see that the media is biased.

  6. a.) The right to bear arms is a right granted by our Constitution.
    b.) Let’s all wipe our asses with the Constitution because we’re anti-American.

  7. a.) The United States in the greatest country in the world.
    b.) I hate America. I support terrorism, and I love Arabs and those nasty, stinky French.

If you answered:

“A” for all seven:
Congratulations! You might be the second coming of Reagan conservatives are looking for!

With any B’s whatsoever:
You’re nothing but a pinko commie liberal. Why not just rape Lady Liberty and go out drunk driving and debasing U.S. soldiers with fat Ted Kennedy and Hanoi Jane?

Michael Frissore's writing has appeared or is forthcoming in Monkeybicycle, Flak Magazine, decomP, The Raging Face, The Scruffy Dog Review, and elsewhere. He grew up in Massachusetts and now lives in Tucson, Arizona, with his wife.