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Friday, February 8, 2008

Gift Idea: Diary™

For the blogger in your life, consider getting the gift that every media-savvy web-lettrist wants, the latest new-media tech sensation: Diary™.

Diary™ is the ideal refinement and synthesis of recent developments in open-format, direct-interface, comprehensive text-recognition, and organic document layout. Incorporating Page-Flip™ interactivity, complete wireless operativity, Lock-and-Key™ security, and virtually unbreachable virus protectivity, Diary™ will be the blogger’s staple recording and storage device for years to come. It has limitless expandability, interfaces seamlessly with all available models of roller-ball and graphite-tip stylus, and has full compatibility with Scrapbook™ technology (cut and paste function is available without costly add-ons). Diary™ comes in a variety of hand-held configurations, with endless customization options, intuitive preferences, and a huge range of appearance options and color schemes. Best of all, Diary™ offers the recently perfected Troll-Proof™ service at no extra cost. The most effective filter system ever devised, Troll-Proof™ boasts proven 100% protection against hostile commentary while allowing the user to share postings with anyone he or she wishes.

Page-Flip™ interactivity

interfaces seamlessly with roller-ball or graphite-tip stylus

Be avant-garde™! Be authoritative! With little or no experience, Diary™ users can be producing observation, critique, and timeless wisdom just seconds after startup. Diary™ lets you have total control. With Diary™ you say to the world, “This is me. Get out of the way, because I’m coming through! No-one can tell me I’m wrong or derivative; I’m lord of all I survey!”*

* Diary™ cannot guarantee users against production of bullshit, drivel, solipsism, wank, tendentiousness, solecism, sophistry, sentimentality, unspeakably awful prose/verse, or any other kind of farcical nonsense. Diary™ accepts no liability in case of such eventuality.

Derek Catermole has not been seen recently on account of he doesn't exist. Derek's proprietors don't wish to make a spectacle of themselves because their indiscreet blogging activities might embarrass them. They promise that they have published elsewhere, but will only admit to