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Thursday, April 3, 2008

Happy Birthday, Alec Baldwin!

Dear Alec,

With the election for Baldwin Brothers president approaching, I have some concerns that I’ll need to work through before casting my ballot. In the past, I’ve always supported you. Stephen’s been a goofball for years, smoking pot and making Pauly Shore movies, and Daniel hadn’t cast a vote since the controversial recount of 1991. You’ve always been liberal but since Stephen has straightened out, found religion, and become a conservative candidate, he’s pushed you farther to the left. I don’t want to vote for you just because I disagree with him; I need to vote my conscience. With the extreme political polarity of our family, Daniel has emerged as a viable third-party candidate. I know what you’re thinking: Daniel won’t win. Nobody votes for the third-party candidate. But he’s beginning to make sense when he speaks about a lot of the matters that affect our family. The role of swing brother is a lot of responsibility and I want to make an informed decision based on the issues, e.g. Mom’s birthday present; who’ll be the distinguished alumni speaker at the Massapequa High School graduation; who will appoint the successor to Grandpa as Chief Justice and Carver General at Thanksgiving dinner. Will you allow Daniel to speak at the debates and have a say on the issues or will you lock him out and alienate this important swing voter? I hope you’ll do the right thing.

Billy Baldwin
registered Independent voter

P.S. Happy birthday, bro.