Friday, May 2, 2008 |
— Listicles —
Dirty Deeds Done Not So Dirt Cheap
Tyler Stoddard Smith & Greg Boose
 | Soaking a friend’s brassiere in San Pellegrino water and express-mailing it to the Alcor Life Extension Foundation to be cryogenically frozen. |
| Reserving the penthouse suite on Holland America’s ms Amsterdam for the sole purpose of giving your girlfriend an authentic “Dutch oven.” |  |
 | Placing your sleeping older brother’s hand in a bowl of warm Château Cheval Blanc. |
| Surreptitiously arranging Almas caviar onto the blades of the family ceiling fan in August, locking the windows shut, then making yourself scarce for a few hours with an open line of credit at Bergdorf Goodman. |  |
| Chartering an SR-71 Blackbird from the senior prom to L’Arpège in Paris to dine on a particularly pungent meal of Ris de veau de Corrèze aux châtaignes effilées in anticipation of “upper-decking” your cousin’s toilet at his after-party. |  |
 | Extracting a Cretaceous mosquito from Dominican amber, freezing it inside an ice cube, and then placing it into Uncle Martin’s scotch. |
| Pouring a kilo of uncut cocaine into your ex-boyfriend’s gas tank. |  |
 | Using your Montblanc Generations Black Medium Point Fountain Pen to draw boners on the face of your wasted roommate. |
| Two chicks, one cup, three Fabergé eggs. |
