Friday, May 23, 2008
— Fiction —
If The Newlywed Game Had Been Hosted by a Talking Washing Machine Instead of
Bob Eubanks …
Q.: Gentlemen, the cleanliness of garments has a great deal to do with speed, and so too does good whoopee! Ha! On a normal night, describe the velocity of your whoopee-making. Is it: Normal/Gentle, Normal/Normal, or Fast/Normal?
Q.: Ladies, a washing machine’s water level is determined by the size of the load, and so too is adequate satisfaction from whoopee! Ha! If your new hubby’s ding-dong was a load of laundry, how would you categorize its size? Is it: Small, Medium, Large, or Extra-Large?
Q.: Fellas, relationships with in-laws are a lot like Rinsing Temperatures. Sometimes hot, sometimes cold, and sometimes in-between. Describe your dealings with your Mother-in-law. Are they: Hot/Cold, Hot/Warm, Cold/Cold, or Warm/Cold?
Q.: Ladies, don’t feel bad, washing machines go through cycles too! Ha! That said let’s talk about the optimal time for making whoopee during menstruation. Is it: Light/Normal, Normal/Heavy, or Heavy/Heavy?
*** Bonus Q.: Confession: I was assembled on a conveyor belt in Schenectady, New York. But unlike me, whoopee can be manufactured just about anywhere. Where is the most exotic place you’ve manufactured whoopee? Bonus points for Laundromats!