Tuesday, July 15, 2008

  1. And … It’s gone! Into that sea of drunken miscreants!
  2. I’ve just soiled myself! I have just soiled myself!
  3. The fat lady of myth and legend may have not sung as yet, but she is most certainly humming a rather jaunty tune! [Said while tipping back boater hat and pouring out a handful of crackerjack.]
  4. Hit deep to right center … in the relative direction of Mecca … Yes! Allah be praised!
  5. My arm—my chest! Oh God, the PAIN!
  6. The terrorists have won! The terrorists have in point of fact won!
  7. … And it’s outta here! Oh God, that poor pitcher … he must feel just awful … and in front of all these people too …
  8. Do you believe in miracles? YES! [Said after a pedestrian solo home run in the third inning of a meaningless Rays–Orioles game, attendance 3,842.]
  9. Pitch him away,” you said. “No power to the opposite field,” you said. Well how do you explain that? [Shouted while grabbing broadcast partner’s lapels and gesticulating wildly toward right field.]
  10. Quadruple!
  11. Well put a red gingham dress on me and call me late for dinner!
  12. The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant! [Said after a second solo home run in the seventh inning of the aforementioned Rays–Orioles game.]
  13. Back-back-back to the future, you squirrelly Michael J. Fox motherfucker!
  14. Thus spake Zarathustra!
  15. I am reminded of a devastatingly wry comment made by Gore Vidal to Dick Cavett while attending a Woody Allen dinner party!
  16. It’s over the partition with nary a bounce! It’s over the partition with nary a bounce!
  17. Great … that’s just fucking perfect! [Announcer then stands up, glares at broadcast partner, tears off his mike, and storms out of booth in disgust.]
  18. Skullfucker!
  20. It’s outta here! Two-run homer! Now hopefully some kind soul out there will return the ball so that play can continue. What? They get to keep it? Sweet!

Daniel McArdle is a freelance graphic designer/trailing spouse/kept man living in Hong Kong with his wife and two daughters. He presently finds solace in short story rejections, and on soccer pitches, exhibiting a surprising knack for goal. He also amuses himself by correcting those who believe him to be Canadian (he is not, but he generally takes it as a compliment). His latest work can be found in print and online at sites like Pindeldyboz, Hobart, and Monkeybicycle. His expat ramblings can be found at hongkongblong.com.

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