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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastilly Written & Sloppilly Edited
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From the Y.P.aRchives Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!) Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies Poetry & Lyric Advice, How To, & Self-Help Listicles Semi-Frequent Columns Letter from the Editors Disquieting Modern Trends Interviews Interviews with Interviewers One-Question Interviews The Book Club Media Gadflies Calendrical Happenings Roasts Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives
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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

— Listicles —
Things I Would Do if God Were Proven Nonexistent

Chris Elzinga

Shower in the nude.

Nosh on filthy swine.

Court Wiccans.

Stop copulating through a hole in a sheet.

Stop burning Harry Potter books.

Say more swears.

Try the Body of Christ with brie.

Reexamine that whole science thing.

Stomp the yard.

Chris Elzinga bides his time in San Francisco as an advertising copywriter. When not hawking wares he enjoys drinking corn whiskey and punching at ghosts.