Tuesday, October 7, 2008

10:35 Update: According to Wikipedia, Brokaw’s dad, Red, was a Huguenot. Well, that wraps up this debate. And just in time … the mushrooms are starting to kick in. Thanks, folks. You’ve been a great crowd. We’ll be here all week.

10:34 That’s it? Last question? Hooray! Tom Brokaw wins. No really. That guy is hilarious. And we don’t even know what his dad does/did. Let’s write in Brokaw for president.

10:32 Again with the food stamps? We get it, Barry. You grew up poor. And Edwards’s father worked in a mill. And Biden’s dad called him “champ.” And McCain’s dad owned slaves. In Egypt.

10:31Scrimpin’.” That’s “My friends”: 84; “Scrimpin’”: one.

10:25 No one told these two that Americans do not care about Russia?? Much less Ukraine or Georgia. No one even cares about American Georgia!

10:24 Cold war question. McCain: “Maybe?” Dick.

10:23 Finally, someone would connect the dots with energy and Russia.

10:18 If you stare at McCain’s tie long enough, it hypnotizes you. All of the sudden, I feel like having dinner at 5 p.m.

10:16 When McCain says “telegraph my punches,” he’s not using metaphor. He still means telegraph.

10:13 Updated joke from editorial brother: “Children are cheap to insure” … Because we can always make more!

10:11 “My friends, my hero is the Silver Surfer. He’s loyal to Galactus, neither good nor bad, my friends …”

10:10 McCain’s hero is Teddy Roosevelt now? It was Reagan five minutes ago. How many heroes does he have?

10:08 These uncommitted Ohio voters have no opinion on anything. “Candidate talking? Approve!” Can you imagine standing on line behind them at 31 Flavors? Rum raisin. No! Rocky road. No! Rum raisin. Wait, do you guys have pistachio?

10:05 Who’s that dude with the moustache behind Obama right now? He looks like he has to take a piss. Bad.

9:58 Oh, snap. Obama took a shot at Arizona. Non-MLK-Day-celebrating Arizona! Are you going to let that go, Gramps?

9:57 Obama just said “Children are cheap.” They aren’t. I tried to buy one. They’re like 50 grand.

9:56 CNN approval morons are just approving everything.

9:53 Figures this is the one day there’s no playoff baseball or football to watch. Also, why are they thanking these people for asking the planted questions? “Thanks for asking that boring question that we told you to ask. You read very well for a Southern 45-year-old.”

9:52 How hard did Obama practice his smirk-while-waiting-to-answer? Like six hours in the mirror? At least as hard as Biden practiced his “bemused smile” in the V.P. debate.

9:48 THAT ONE? Did McCain just call the black gentleman on stage “that one”? He sure did.

9:42 McCain even laughs like a 72-year-old man.

9:41 And there’s the second Tip O’Neill reference. And the second “Take on his leaders.” McCain and Palin have the worst talking points ever. At least McCain can enunciate his in grammatical order.

9:41 Really this needs to be addressed. WHO IS UNDECIDED STILL? Who has no opinion on the war or the economy or lipstick? Morons, that’s who.

9:40 Who are they using as the control group this time? The O.J. jurors and the guy who plays Ted on Scrubs?

9:39 They should add an audio to the CNN approvo-meter. Taxes go down from black man? Ding-ding-ding-ding!

9:38 OBAMA DID NOT JUST SAY THE STRAIGHT-TALK EXPRESS IS STILL LOSING WHEELS, DID HE? Good gravy, he’s been saying that since 2005.

9:38 CNN’s approval meter scores higher for Brokaw’s questions than McCain’s answers.

9:37 McCain: “I’m going to end the spending spree, but double tax exemptions and add money.”

9:36 John McCain’s sense of humor is like Bristol Palin Rose O’Donnell: fat and ugly.

9:35 Obama: “Never bring a scalpel to a hatchet fight.”
McCain: “Never bring Jell-O to a hammer fight.”

9:30 “Earmarks.” “Earmarks.” “Earmarks.” The word’s lost all meaning.

9:29 Jesus, this is boring. If Brokaw’s the most exciting guy on the TV, you know it’s a rough debate.

9:28 Brokaw’s putting the smackdown on them. And cracking jokes!

9:25 McCain’s “reach across the aisle” count is at least four. How many aisles does the Senate have?

9:23 Is Brokaw playing Clive Anderson here? “O.K., you’re in a Western movie … “

9:17 McCain is talking about “getting rid of cronyism” … ! And exactly what letter is he referring to? The Magna Carta?

9:16 Which candidate discussing economics sounds more like Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller? Subprime … lending … Bernanke … zzzzzzzz. It’s like they’re trying to out-bore each other.

9:15 How can McCain have such a mistaken account of history when he’s been alive since the Renaissance?

9:12 This town-hall forum gives us an excellent view of McCain’s hunched back.

9:06 Wait, is he going to make out with the guy?

9:06 McCain is uncomfortably close to the front row. Maybe they’ll cushion his fall when he blacks out.

9:06 Christ, it’s 9:06 and Obama’s already boring the shit out of me.

9:02 Also, we’ve just noticed both candidates are left-handed… SINISTER!

9:02 Re: Tom Brokaw’s distinct baritone:
Tom Brokaw’s voice makes me feel like I’m being cradled in the arms of my sweet Jewish mama.—G.W.
It’s like he gargles with maple syrup. —J.A.

9:00 O.K., we’re live from a pavilion named after the leader of a lousy 1960s singing group. I can’t think of a better place for two people who provide lousy answers.

8:55 Welcome to Y.P.R.’s experiment in “live-blogging” the “town-hall” “presidential” “debate.” Again, this is really a test run for the big show—Thursday’s première of Kath & Kim on NBC. We’ll be flipping around between MSNBC and FOX and CNN when we want swinging slants and the “undecided acceptance pulse,” and just to spice things up, we’ve each ingested magic mushrooms, because it was such a big hit on this week’s Entourage.

Debate Prep Tonight, your Yankee Pot Roasters will be conducting an experiment in live-blogging during the presidential debate. And if the experiment is successful, we will likely live-blog again for Thursday night's première of Kath & Kim on NBC.
Reminder: Tonight in Brooklyn, Get Your Y.P.R. On! Tonight! 7 p.m.! Barnes & Noble! Park Slope! Yankee Pot Roasters! Reading! Joking! Signing! Books! Underrated! Ha ha! And then! The Gate! Drinking! More jokes! Like 8-something probably? Ha ha! Fun! You! Us! Good times!

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