Monday, October 13, 2008

Your Mother is so slow she uses the ISA Slot and 1000KB of RAM.

Your Mother is so overweight that when she steps on the scale it says, “Sorry, we don’t do Millennium Falcons.”

Your Mother is so tremendously hirsute she makes Wolverine look like Professor X.

Your Mother is so approaching her senior years that she practices her micros on a typewriter.

Your Mother is so poverty-stricken that if we all lived in Zelda’s Hyrule, she’d have a hut in Kakariko Village.

Your Mother is so lacking in general attractiveness that the Borg refused to assimilate her.

Greg Boose is a contributing writer to The Nervous Breakdown, and has appeared on The Big Jewel, Opium, Hobart, McSweeney’s, Feathertale, in The Believer, and in other fine and unfine print and online magazines. You can read many of his online writings by going to He lives in Chicago.

Big Deal! I Sold a Little Weed to Give My Kids a Better Future … It’s either that, or you’re living unemployment check to unemployment check in a modest three-bedroom condo, downgrading to the store-brand Oreo knock-offs, hardly going out to dinner at all except on weekends, birthdays, and holidays.
Food for Thoughtlessness Bum Food, Hurt Waffles, & Gross Treats

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