Monday, November 17, 2008

Parental Advisory: Uplifting Lyrics

Parental Advisory: Uplifting Lyrics. This album contains lyrics which may not be suitable for public-school children. Take proper precautions before listening. Keep away from soul. Do not play near open flame. Harmful if believed.

May cause irritation if in eyes or desire to take back Holy Land if in heart. If you ingest these lyrics and begin to feel divine inspiration, contact an atheist and/or scientist. If you or your child shouts “Hallelujah!” at any point, induce vomiting.

Warning: contents under pressure of original sin and eternal damnation. May cause negative reaction if absorbed. Pregnant women should not listen unless also married. Non-Christians should check with doctor, shaman, or other heathen before listening. May cause allergic reaction in homosexuals, Communists, and witches.

Use only as directed by ancient and often contradictory instructions. To be taken with sermon once weekly until nonspecific, oppressive guilt arises. After listening, wait approximately one eternity before operating heavy machinery or acknowledging evolution.

Lyrics may contain inspirational message. Presents choking risk, as message may be tough to swallow. For precautionary purposes, take with large glass of water and grain of salt.

Symptoms of exposure may include: nausea, hives, forgiveness, skin irritation, resurrection, tithing, vomiting, and inquisition. If you begin speaking Aramaic or performing miracles, consult a Hollywood celebrity immediately.

Lyrics not to be taken orally or literally.

Pete Reynolds may not always finish what he starts, but he always starts what he finishes. He lives in Maryland, where he actively hates birds and greeting cards.

Brilliant Numbers and a Few Sequences Brilliant numbers, coined by Peter Wallrodt, are defined as positive integers with exactly two prime factors of the same digital length (in decimal notation). For example, 123467 = 311 * 397. You may want to give a short lecture on them at your next barbecue or family reunion.
Top Five List of List-Related Lists Meta overload for list-makers, list-lovers, and the list of list-lovers who love them.

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