Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Formation: Both descended
What he’s trying to say: You are a warm and calm presence in my life.

Formation: Left descended, right elevated
What he’s trying to say: I am exhausted after a hard day’s work. I would like you to pour me a glass of milk. Thank you.

Formation: Right descended, left elevated
What he’s trying to say: I do not like it when you put on that slightly racist accent. Please don’t do that. I would like us to hug now.

Formation: Both elevated
What he’s trying to say: Please put your hands on some part of my body that I feel comfortable with you touching and then quietly reassure me that it is a nice part of my body and that you are impressed with it. Thanks.

Formation: Tangled (right over left)
What he’s trying to say: That man who was playing saxophone in the shopping cener looked a bit like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, don’t you think? I know it wasn’t Mahmoud Ahmadinejad but do you think there is any way that somehow it actually was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

Formation: Tangled (left over right)
What he’s trying to say: I am sorry that I suggested to the girl behind us in line that we buy our spaghetti sauces together. That was a lot of hassle for 25% off the recommended retail price.

Formation: Gathered at left hand side of sack
What he’s trying to say: Do you remember when everyone was terrified about SARS? You don’t hear about SARS very much any more, do you? I would like us to cuddle now. Thank you.

Formation: Gathered at right-hand side of sack
What he’s trying to say: If you beat my fastest lap on Ghost Valley 1 on Super Mario Kart then you should expect that I might not talk to you in quite the same way until I get that record back. Sorry.

Formation: Left oversized, right normal
What he’s trying to say: I have noticed that quite a lot of children graze their chins. You see them with these little kind of bandage beards. But not many adults graze their chins. Why do you think that is?

Formation: Left oversized, right shrunken
What he’s trying to say: I wish we wore our slippers more often. Or less often. I have anxieties about my indecisiveness. Kiss my left nipple, please.

Formation: Right oversized, left normal
What he’s trying to say: Today I wore deodorant only on one armpit, for reference.

Formation: Left normal-sized, right shrunken
What he’s trying to say: The next time you send me an email please use lots of rich text. I like it a lot when you use rich text in emails. Thank you. I would like us to Eskimo kiss now.

Formation: Right normal-sized, left shrunken
What he’s trying to say: I would like to lift you above my head and spin you round on my one finger like I was a Harlem Globetrotter. I would like to be a Harlem Globetrotter. I would like us to spoon now. Thanks.

Crispin Best is not even American. In his country, ‘fanny’ means ‘angina pectoris.’

One-line Listicles A Racy Magazine For Bulls Lactating Mamas        -- MATTHEW SIMMONS   A Questionable Use of the Word 'Perpetual' In Contemporary Literature Perpetually inflamed ass cheeks        -- BARRY GRAHAM   The Tagline Staples Should Use Instead Of "That...
Synecdoche1, New York I went to Schenectady, New York, once. This may not be true. I did not lose my virginity in Schenectady. My father was there, in Schenectady. He was not "there" at the moment I lost my virginity, but I did use the condom he gave me when I went away for college.
The <Meta>morphosis Frank Kaufman awoke one morning after a night of uneasy dreams to discover he had 513 comments on his latest blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.


RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm | Spanish

Support Submit
From the Y.P.aRchives
Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!)
Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review
Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies
Poetry & Lyric
Advice, How To, & Self-Help
Semi-Frequent Columns
Letter from the Editors
Disquieting Modern Trends
Interviews with Interviewers
One-Question Interviews
The Book Club
Media Gadflies
Calendrical Happenings
Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives

This journal is powered by Movable Typo 4.01.

Y.P.R. & Co.