Wednesday, December 31, 2008

(not for real, this is just a test)

bigfishassassin1.jpg

“When I shoot fish I don’t wear an Aqualung
-it evens out the odds.”
(Ian Fleming, quoted in Life, September 24, 1962)

I never shoot fish in an AquaLung.
It might unbalance the odds.
I give the sucker an even break-
The sucker the snapper the grouper the hake
And suitable cephalopods.
I’m not cast iron: I sometimes quake
As I stalk with my weapon unslung;
But all advantage I deign to take
Is a love of danger for danger’s sake
And a knack with heaters and rods
A certain
Knack with heaters and rods.

I never shoot fish in an AquaLung.
The man who would is a Red.
If I were Agent and had my wish,
The cad who cheated at shooting fish
Would get it about the head.
It’s not that killing is not my dish
(Perhaps I would have him hung)
But mechanism is sissyish
Which hedges against the chance the fish
Will shoot you first instead
Draw faster and
Shoot you first instead.

I never shoot fish in an AquaLung
Whatever the pain or peril.
I never shoot fish in an AquaLung;
I shoot from the rim of the barrel.
I never shoot fish in an AquaLung,
Not even the cussedest cods,
Not even the haddock however vicious,
Not even the flounder, and he’s delicious,
Not even the shark because Sharks Ain’t Fishes-
It might unbalance the odds
In fact
It might unbalance the barrel.

Fortunato Salazar is 18, he is exceedingly ugly, but healthy & vigorous; the great favorite of Curval, he is continually aroused, and his prick is seven and fifteen-sixteenths inches around by eleven inches long.

Your Onion Web Video Writing Application


Delusion of being Jesus Christ usurped by delusion of being Parker Posey! The journal Nature is reporting that the number of schizophrenics who believe they are Jesus Christ was surpassed on December 8 by the number of schizophrenics who believe they are Parker Posey. Never before in recorded history has any delusion surpassed the Jesus delusion. Montage of interviews with schizophrenics who look exactly like Parker Posey and believe they are Parker Posey, interspersed with schizophrenics who look like Reese Witherspoon and believe they are Parker Posey.

Fortunato Salazar’s majestic prick is bent saber fashion, its head or glans is enormous, it is eight and three-eighths inches in circumference and the shaft eight in length. A fine curve to his majestic prick

Fiction
Synecdoche1, New York I went to Schenectady, New York, once. This may not be true. I did not lose my virginity in Schenectady. My father was there, in Schenectady. He was not "there" at the moment I lost my virginity, but I did use the condom he gave me when I went away for college.
Fiction
The <Meta>morphosis Frank Kaufman awoke one morning after a night of uneasy dreams to discover he had 513 comments on his latest blog.
Fiction
Big-Name Writer's Writing Seminar I've called you all here today to because I miss Bradley Whitford and I need some hacks to write scripts for a new politically oriented sitcom where all the pretty actors endlessly bicker with each other and make inane social commentary on world affairs.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Syndicate

RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm | Spanish

Shop
Bea!
Support Submit
Submit
From the Y.P.aRchives
Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!)
Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review
Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies
Poetry & Lyric
Advice, How To, & Self-Help
Listicles
Semi-Frequent Columns
Letter from the Editors
Disquieting Modern Trends
Interviews
Interviews with Interviewers
One-Question Interviews
The Book Club
Media Gadflies
Calendrical Happenings
Roasts
Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives

This journal is powered by Movable Typo 4.01.

Crockpot!
© MMIII—MMVIII,
Y.P.R. & Co.