Saturday, December 13, 2008

A Racy Magazine For Bulls
Lactating Mamas
       — MATTHEW SIMMONS

 

A Questionable Use of the Word ‘Perpetual’ In Contemporary Literature
Perpetually inflamed ass checks
       — BARRY GRAHAM

 

The Tagline Staples Should Use Instead Of “That was easy”
“Your 90-year-old grandmother can’t use our restroom even though you’re clearly buying stuff”
       FRANK FERRI

 

Other Things Sarah Palin Can See From Her House
Alaska
       JIMMY CHEN

 

Word That Should Be Spelled Phonetically
Phonetically
       — MATTHEW BONANNO

 

What Lou Bega Orders at McDonalds
Combo No. 5
       — BEN SEGAL

 

What I Hoped Mall Santa Had In His Pocket
Candy Cane
       RAVI MANGLA

 

Reason You Might Be An Asshole
You killed your mother because she cooked your French toast incorrectly.
       MIKE SACKS

 

Evidently The Wrong Answer When Your Boss Asks, “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”
“Oh, those days will eat me alive, sir.”
       DAN KENNEDY

 

People Not Referred To In The Phrase “Think of the Children!”
Pedophiles
       LINCOLN MICHEL

 

Internet Humor Writers Who Sound Like They Should Be Middleweight Boxers
Fortunato Salazar
       ERIC FEEZELL

Fiction
Synecdoche1, New York I went to Schenectady, New York, once. This may not be true. I did not lose my virginity in Schenectady. My father was there, in Schenectady. He was not "there" at the moment I lost my virginity, but I did use the condom he gave me when I went away for college.
Fiction
The <Meta>morphosis Frank Kaufman awoke one morning after a night of uneasy dreams to discover he had 513 comments on his latest blog.
Fiction
Big-Name Writer's Writing Seminar I've called you all here today to because I miss Bradley Whitford and I need some hacks to write scripts for a new politically oriented sitcom where all the pretty actors endlessly bicker with each other and make inane social commentary on world affairs.

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