— Listicles —

Top Five List of List-Related Lists

I. Top Three List of Uncommon Lists

1. Lists involving regurgitation
   1. Top Ten Recipes from Penguin’s Castor Oil Cookbook
   2. Fifteen Ways to Pass the Time
2. Lists involving extraterrestrial farming
   1. Common Difficulties Encountered During Simulated Weightless Bovine Grazing
   2. Squash, Mars, and You: A List of Ten Essential Space Horticulture Implements
3. Lists that include bathing suits, coal mines, and God
   1. Popular Sources of Recreation and Energy Production in Christian Bible Camps
   2. The Greatest List of All Time

II. Top Eight List of Undesirable Lists

1. Preachy lists
   1. Two Things You Must Do if You Are to Have Any Hopes of Amounting to Anything
   2. The Lost, More Commanding, Commandments: Eleven through Seventy-Two
2. Lists rife with typographical errors
   1. Mrs. Dumblebee’s Second-Grade Class List of First-Class Jackasses
   2. Fixteen Unaffailable Reafonf to Vifit Feventeenth Century England
3. Lists too confusing to discern
   1. Sixties and Fifties the of Fads Backwards Six Top
   2. A Smallish, Green Troupe Gland Sip, List of, Mayflower Crank Virtue, Loose Associations, Still Slip Gorgon
4. Lists guilty of gratuitous alliteration
   1. Long List of Lovely Lilting Lyrical Lines Lovers Lovingly Lisp Literatim to Lionize Love
   2. Top Twenty-Two Tricks Truckers Try to Tempestuously Taunt and Triturate Tawdry Troubadour Types
5. Lists involving unpleasant things
   1. Rotting Corpses: Ten Ways to Procure Them
   2. Eight Ways of Using Piss and Vinegar to Attain Vim and Vigor
6. Insulting lists
   1. Six Reasons the Common Man Is Too Stupid and/or Lazy to Become Self-Actualized
   2. Five Ways the World Would Be Better Off without Right-Handers and Southpaws
7. Self-referential lists
   1. List of Things You, the Reader, Think as You Read This List
   2. Top Five List of List Related Lists
8. Horribly misguided lists
   1. The Noblest Despots of the Twentieth Century
   2. Fifty Reasons Why Incas Loved the Spaniards

III. Top Six List of Unfinished Lists

1. Informative lists regarding _____ when _____ are unavailable
   1. Seven Methods Utilizing Citrus and Cucumber Oils, Peels, and Zests
   2. Five Simple Methods Derived from the Humble Mint Leaf
2. Lists that refer to questionable, and possibly illegal methods of gentrification
   1. Ten Most _____ Strategies _____ Horses _____ with Herculean _____ and Light Arms Fire
   2. List of _____ Tethered _____ or the _____ Punishment versus _____ Eyeballs
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IV. Top Five List of Unnecessary Lists

1. Lists involving musical pointlessness
   1. List of Recorded Songs Utilizing Harpsichord, Clavichord, Piano, Harmonium, Organ, and Megaphone
   2. A Fife Player’s Listing of 101 Popular R&B Tunes, Arranged for Lute
2. Superfluous lists involving geography
   1. Top Three Largest Metropolitan Areas in the U.S. (6/13/88–7/02/88 Edition)
   2. Globe Trekker List #293: Things to Avoid When in Darfur
3. Obvious lists
   1. Four of the Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover
   2. Number One Dad
4. Lists of lexically-based gratuitousness
   1. The Fifty-two Most Uncommonly Used Adverbs in Esperanto, Translated into Latin
   2. The Cyrillic Alphabet, Listed in Order of Letter Most Likely to be Used in Casual Epithets
5. Redundant lists
   1. The Fifty-two Most Uncommonly Used Adverbs in Esperanto, Translated into Latin
   2. The Cyrillic Alphabet, Listed in Order of Letter Most Likely to be Used in Casual Epithets

V. Top Two List of Unfaithful and Misleading Lists

1. Lists referencing marital infidelity
   1. Top Ten Most Flavorful Ingredients Found in British Cuisine
   2. List of Striking Similarities between Synchronized Swimming and Snooker
2. The two greatest lists of all time
   1. The Worst List of All Time