Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Configuration: Both descended
What he’s trying to say: You are a warm and calm presence in my life.

Configuration: Left descended, right elevated
What he’s trying to say: I am exhausted after a hard day’s work. I would like you to pour me a glass of milk. Thank you.

Configuration: Right descended, left elevated
What he’s trying to say: I do not like it when you put on that slightly racist accent. Please don’t do that. I would like us to hug now.

Configuration: Both elevated
What he’s trying to say: Please put your hands on some part of my body that I feel comfortable with you touching and then quietly reassure me that it is a nice part of my body and that you are impressed with it. Thanks.

Configuration: Tangled (right over left)
What he’s trying to say: That man who was playing saxophone in the shopping center looked a bit like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, don’t you think? I know it wasn’t Mahmoud Ahmadinejad but do you think there is any way that somehow it actually was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

Configuration: Tangled (left over right)
What he’s trying to say: I am sorry that I suggested to the girl behind us in the line that we buy our spaghetti sauces together. That was a lot of hassle for 25% off the recommended retail price.

Configuration: Gathered at left hand side of sack
What he’s trying to say: Do you remember when everyone was terrified about SARS? You don’t hear about SARS very much any more, do you? I would like us to cuddle now. Thank you.

Configuration: Gathered at right-hand side of sack
What he’s trying to say: If you beat my fastest lap on Ghost Valley 1 on Super Mario Kart then you should expect that I might not talk to you in quite the same way until I get that record back. Sorry.

Configuration: Left oversized, right normal
What he’s trying to say: I notice that quite a lot of children graze their chins. You see them with these little kind of bandage beards. But not many adults graze their chins. Why do you think that is?

Configuration: Left oversized, right shrunken
What he’s trying to say: I wish we cuddled with our slippers on more often.

Configuration: Right oversized, left normal
What he’s trying to say: Today I wore deodorant on only one armpit, for reference.

Configuration: Left normal-sized, right shrunken
What he’s trying to say: The next time you send me an email please use lots of rich text. I like it a lot when you use rich text in emails. Thank you.

Configuration: Right normal-sized, left shrunken
What he’s trying to say: I would like to lift you above my head and spin you round on my one finger like I was a Harlem Globetrotter. I would like to be a Harlem Globetrotter. I would like us to spoon now. Thanks.

Crispin Best lives in a country where the official language is supposedly English but somehow the words “vadge” and “fanny” mean the same thing.

The "Can't Concentrate" Manatee The "Can't Concentrate" Manatee's article on Kafka for Bookforum was due in eight hours. She stared at her computer thinking about pasta.
One-line Listicles What Lou Bega Orders at McDonald's: Combo No. 5
Synecdoche1, New York I went to Schenectady, New York, once. This may not be true. I did not lose my virginity in Schenectady. My father was there, in Schenectady. He was not "there" at the moment I lost my virginity, but I did use the condom he gave me when I went away for college.

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