Monday, February 2, 2009

  1. There are 25 facts about me.

  2. The first fact is something most people don’t know.

  3. The second fact states the obvious, which should amuse you.

  4. The third fact is somewhat humorous, as I put a mirror to myself, back to society, then to you, the reader. Everyone enjoys a good laugh at themselves.

  5. The fourth fact is touching. It involves a family member.

  6. The fifth fact involves an embarrassing event from my childhood that, were it not for the need to achieve emotional release vis-à-vis an homage to oneself (e.g., this list), would normally not see the light of day. But—oh, well! The secret’s out!

  7. The sixth fact manages to be self-deprecating while highlighting my charitable, affable, or charmingly hapless nature.

  8. The seventh fact is mundane.

  9. The eighth fact references the earlier fact involving a family member. Remember that one? Aww!

  10. The ninth fact reveals a fear of growing old.

  11. The tenth fact reminds everyone of how amusing a past decade can be when viewed through the lens of today’s values, culture, or technology.

  12. . You wonder if the eleventh fact is about you.

  13. The twelfth fact makes an obvious reference to my political leanings.

  14. The thirteenth fact describes the origin of my name. It’s a very boring story, I say, but I tell it anyway.

  15. Haha! I’m so funny in fact fourteen.

  16. I make references to a crazy past life in fact fifteen. If you think they’re exaggerated, you’re right.

  17. Fact sixteen describes an illness I contracted as a child. Just like everyone else, I barely survived.

  18. You’re POSITIVE the seventeenth fact is about you. Maybe.

  19. Fact eighteen isn’t really a fact. It’s a hypothesis.

  20. We share an intimate, private emotion in fact nineteen.

  21. The twentieth fact explains that I don’t normally fill out lists like this!

  22. A reference to sex is made in fact twenty-one. You don’t like imagining me naked or doing… stuff.

  23. The twenty-second fact is, like, six lines long. You skip it and scroll ahead.

  24. The twenty-third fact is incredibly disturbing. You stare at the keyboard for awhile and take a deep breath. Now you wish you hadn’t read this list.

  25. The twenty-fourth fact is a stunning cliffhanger! You hold your breath as you scroll to fact twenty-five …

Todd Ross Nienkerk is a co-founder of the the Web design and consulting firm Four Kitchens. He has served as a founding editor of That Other Paper (2006–2008) and an editor-in-chief of The Texas Travesty (2003–2005). He lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife, Kristin, and a cat named Samuel “Screech” Powers. He has brown eyes and was born in a subterranean cave in the future.

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