Friday, July 17, 2009

Foreign Affairs Gossip

FRANCIS FUKUYAMA was seen at Charlie Palmer Steak discussing waterboarding over what looked to be a medium-rare rib eye. Our sources say Fukuyama was sounding more KATHA POLLITT than CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER. We thought Fukuyama was a conservative?!?

Foreign Affairs Gossip

Last Friday, PRESIDENT OBAMA’s Special Envoy for Afghanistan and Pakistan, RICHARD HOLBROOKE, returned a text from a friend in which he declined to go to the new Middle Eastern restaurant in Georgetown and instead suggested the Bob Evans in Springfield, VA—yet again. Our source on this dirty dish said that for a mind so well versed in foreign relations, Holbrooke’s palate apparently doesn’t follow suit. According to our source, Holbrooke sure does enjoy a rather domestic meal—he gets the Pot Roast Sandwich every time.

We all remember JOHN B. JUDIS’s 1995 article, “Trotskyism to Anachronism: The Neoconservative Revolution,” which lukewarmly reviewed JOHN EHRMAN’s tome “The Rise of Neoconservatism: Intellectuals and Foreign Affairs 1945–1994.” Well, the liberal Judis was caught by the paparazzi raising hell in D.C. with BILL KRISTOL and FRED BARNES at a recent event hosted by the Center for Strategic and International Studies entitled, “Outlook for Venezuela’s Economy: 2009 and Beyond.” Guess Judis follows the old “Keep your friends close …” dictum.

Foreign Affairs Gossip

French President, NICOLAS SARKOZY’s hot wife, CARLA BRUNI, is still hot. Cameras caught the tall drink of water towering over her diminutive hubby as the couple was escorted to their table at ALAIN DUCASSE’s Michelin-starred gustatory haven at the Plaza Athénée in Paris. Our editorial board imagines Bruni herself would be a gastronomic delight. We’d lap her up over along with frisée aux lardons right off her husband’s shoe lifts. In fact, her submissions are welcome anytime around our offices. Yowsa!

The Council on Foreign Relations has it on good authority that Prime Minister SILVIO BERLUSCONI turned one of his Sardinian villas into a Chuck E. Cheese last weekend with yet another party packed with young, nubile ragazze molto belle. Of course, this being Italy, we should call it a Carlo E. Parmigiano-Reggiano instead of Chuck E. Cheese. And, this being Berlusconi, the olive oil would definitely be extra virgin.

There’s a scramble to become the next Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary of the United States of America to the Bahamas, the unfairly dubbed “cushy post” vacated by NED SIEGEL. FRANK FERRI is openly campaigning for the role clearly showing he’s the only one ready to be stationed in Nassau to serve his country and strengthen U.S.–Bahamas relations. People “in the know” don’t “know” who Ferri is, and that suits Ferri just fine. In fact, the man himself says he’s exactly the kind of person needed to get the job done. A true Washington outsider who tans well, Ferri has no history of skin cancer and can get things done in the comfort of a chaise lounge.

Frank Ferri is a copywriter who thinks he’s funny. Visit him at

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