Monday, August 3, 2009

Brutally Realistic Versions of Famous Musicals


Little Shop of Whores

The Sound of Nazis

Rats

O-Chlamydia!

Wicked Fat

Chicago Stockyards

High School Pregnancy

Johns & Hookers

A Bread Line
High School Pregnancy

Rats

Daniel McArdle is a freelance graphic designer/trailing spouse/kept man living in Hong Kong with his wife and two daughters. He presently finds solace in short story rejections, and on soccer pitches, exhibiting a surprising knack for goal. He also amuses himself by correcting those who believe him to be Canadian (he is not, but he generally takes it as a compliment). His latest work can be found in print and online at sites like Pindeldyboz, Hobart, and Monkeybicycle. His expat ramblings can be found at hongkongblong.com.

 

Ways in Which I Would Refer to Sex if I Were a Bawdy Extra in an English Period Drama

“A bit of rum-bob-tiddly.”

“A bit of the old ‘How’s your father?’”

“A bit of tiddly-whoops-flim-flam floosy.”

“A bit of whoops, Vicar, not in the rectory.”

“A bit of Oriental cuisine if ye know what ah mean.”

“A bit of bob-rum-whoops-tiddly-whoops.”

“A bit of yer man from Kerry on the boat to Shropshire with a case of black pudding from his Ma, eh?”

“A bit of whoops-argh-me’ back- tuppence, father-whoops-rum-tiddly.”

Mike lives in Melbourne, Australia, and manages his local pub—a fine use for a liberal arts education. He doesn’t have anything else published. This is it. He likes breakfast as more than a friend and owns at least four books. There is a collection of other words and so forth at http://ownthisbookstore.tumblr.com.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?


Send her back to the nunnery.

Get a restraining order that requires her to stay at least a hundred feet away from your children, and forbids her from leading them in song.

Have her take a vow of silence.

Let the Nazis deal with her, as you and your children slip across the border to safety.

Trevor Seigler once wrestled a vicious mountain lion bare-handed, but was unable to get a submission due to the ref being distracted. Now residing in Backwater Redneckville, South Carolina, he spends his days sending angry e-mails to various heads of state, annoyed that they refuse to sign his “Bring Back Knight Rider!” petition. He enjoys long walks on the beach, romantic dinners by candlelight, and an occasional screw. He still can’t figure out why he’s single.


Listicles
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? Get a restraining order
Listicles
Brutally Realistic Versions of Famous Musicals The Sound of Nazis

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