Brutally Realistic Versions of Famous Musicals
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The Sound of Nazis Rats O-Chlamydia! Wicked Fat Chicago Stockyards High School Pregnancy Johns & Hookers A Bread Line |  |
Daniel McArdle is a freelance graphic designer/trailing spouse/kept man living in Hong Kong with his wife and two daughters. He presently finds solace in short story rejections, and on soccer pitches, exhibiting a surprising knack for goal. He also amuses himself by correcting those who believe him to be Canadian (he is not, but he generally takes it as a compliment). His latest work can be found in print and online at sites like Pindeldyboz, Hobart, and Monkeybicycle. His expat ramblings can be found at hongkongblong.com. |
Ways in Which I Would Refer to Sex if I Were a Bawdy Extra in an English Period Drama | |
“A bit of rum-bob-tiddly.” “A bit of the old ‘How’s your father?’” “A bit of tiddly-whoops-flim-flam floosy.” “A bit of whoops, Vicar, not in the rectory.” “A bit of Oriental cuisine if ye know what ah mean.” “A bit of bob-rum-whoops-tiddly-whoops.” “A bit of yer man from Kerry on the boat to Shropshire with a case of black pudding from his Ma, eh?” “A bit of whoops-argh-me’ back- tuppence, father-whoops-rum-tiddly.” |
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?
Send her back to the nunnery.
Get a restraining order that requires her to stay at least a hundred feet away from your children, and forbids her from leading them in song.
Have her take a vow of silence.
Let the Nazis deal with her, as you and your children slip across the border to safety.
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