Monday, August 10, 2009

Shoot the bitch

Send her back to the nunnery

Get a restraining order that requires her to stay at least a hundred feet away from your children, and forbids her from leading them in song

Have her take a vow of silence

Let the Nazis deal with her, as you and your children slip across the border to safety

Trevor Seigler once wrestled a vicious mountain lion bare-handed, but was unable to get a submission due to the ref being distracted. Now residing in Backwater Redneckville, South Carolina, he spends his days sending angry e-mails to various heads of state, annoyed that they refuse to sign his “Bring Back Knight Rider!” petition. He enjoys long walks on the beach, romantic dinners by candlelight, and an occasional screw. He still can’t figure out why he’s single.

Listicles
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Breaking Up Is Hard to Do Do you know how I know that you defriended me? Because my other TWENTY-FIVE friends would never do that to me and also I'm not getting your status updates, which I'm sure are fraught with anguish over our breakup—something I'd be happy to help you heal and deal with. I'll bet our make-up sex would be great, too.

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