“It has been my dream to attend your university since age five.”
“Last year my father contributed $5,000 to your general endowment fund.”
“I can fit my fist into my mouth.”
“I’m easy.”
“My therapist says I can have supervised visits with my family in two to three months.”
“I am generally liked and well respected by my teachers and classmates.”
“The judge says he might reduce my sentence to time served.”
“Man, I got so high last night.”
“Essays suck.”
“My father is the dictator of a small African nation.”
“If you don’t grant me admission I will kill myself.”
“I deserve to get in.”
“My father, my father’s father, and my father’s father’s father are alumna of your distinguished institution.”
“I’m hot.”
“I spent thousands of dollars on private test preparation and college counseling.”
“I love your school colors.”
“Your football team rocks.”
“I love to learn and stuff.”
“I hand-delivered my college application.”
“My last name rhymes with Bush.”
“Last summer, at band camp.”
“I visited your campus—twice.”
“I’m always the first to raise my hand.”
“College campuses would be much safer places if students were allowed to carry guns.”
“There I was, the only fat kid in gym.”
“God wants me to go to your college.”
“I’ve been a repeat contestant on American Idol.”
“I already bought a hooded sweatshirt with your college’s name on it and told everyone I got in.”
“When I’m not saving orphans in Nepal, I’m finding a cure for cancer.”
“You know you’ll accept me because you need underachievers like me to feel good about yourself.”
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