Monday, May 10, 2010

* Upon seeing someone on the subway reading the paperback version with Tom Hanks on the cover, bragged that he read The Da Vinci Code before it was a movie

* Can’t believe anyone would prefer the tacky women on The Real Housewives of New Jersey over the cultured socialites on The Real Housewives of New York

* Astounded anyone would dare compare Heidi Montag’s rancid single “Body Language” to Paris Hilton’s sublime “Stars Are Blind”

* Mortified how Saw V “tarnished the legacy” of Saw IV

* When viewing paparazzi photos, refers the reverent diplomacy of to the nihilistic insouciance of

* Grieved the break-up of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams more than his own parents’ divorce

* Wishes Twilight would be more realistic and let Edward have fangs, sex

* Thinks Nick Lachey “sold out” by playing himself on One Tree Hill

Matt Sullivan’s work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Playboy, The Onion and on his parents’ fridge.

Mother's Day Mayhem This year, Mother's Day is gonna be OFF THA HOOK!
The Search-Engine-Optimized Marriage Proposal Things changed when you came into my life. You were my free credit report, and you showed me I had potential. Our love is like Justin Bieber.

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