“A Visit from St. Nicholas”
“A Weekend Visit” by Clement Clarke Moore
’Twas an hour before we left,
When all through the dorm,
The Ladies and Gents were all in rare form,
A girl-down-the-hall’s breasts hang with such care,
She hopes a basketball player soon will be there,
The ugly friends are still ugly despite what their hot friends have said,
“Men, no matter how drunk, don’t hook up with the one in the red.”
A girl shows her thong, a man awkwardly wears his flat-brimmed cap,
Once at the bar they will be the ones trying to rap.
“Where the Sidewalk Ends”
“Where Your Drunk Night Ends” by Shel Silverstein
There is a place where the sidewalk ends,
And it is just after you fall on your face,
And there you will lie puking with your lips so white,
And there your friends leave you all through the night
And there you will meet the cops and proceed to fight
Then you realize you are naked.
“I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud”
“I Wandered as High as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth
I wander lonely as a cloud,
That is really, really, really high …
I’m paranoid, is that a crowd?
Is that a cop? or just a guy?
Smoked so much I can barely see,
I call my friend laughing and ask him to get me.
“I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”
“I Know Why the Caged Guy Screams” by Maya Angelou
The caged guy cries with the most frightening yell,
“Innocent!” he screams from his local jail cell,
Peeing on the street was going fine till he fell,
“If I don’t call my mom she is going to beat me to hell.”
I know why the caged guy screams.
“The Whore” by Edgar Allen Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
I walked on past many Bros, Nerds, and Whores,
Then I nodded, nearly booting, all the Bros smoking, rapping,
All the whores’ boobs are flapping,
I still hear the gentle rapping, I run through my dormitory door.
In my room walked the whore. I used pickup lines, desperate to score,
Just a hand job, nothing more.