Daily Garfield® Digest Archives
Table For Two (Morons)
Putting aside the egregious health code violation that comes with allowing a cat to dine at your restaurant for the moment, why would he use a fork to scratch his nose? He's got claws, for God's sake. Also, when are... 
Hide, Seek
Jon attempts to play hide and seek with Garfield. He has fun, the cat doesn't....
Paging David Blaine...
Right now, the operations department is desperately trying to get Jim Davis on the horn. The people need to know what actually transpired in today's strip. In one panel, there's a cookie and Jon is politely offering to share it...
Don't Smell the Kraut
Inhaling vapors of leftover sauerkraut has the same creepy morphing effect on Jon as would a gasp of the mutagenic atmosphere of Mars in Total Recall. Garfield is unfazed by his master's disfigurement....
Comedy Gold
Jon suspects that the fruitcake he received from Mrs. Feeney is the same fruitcake that she sent last year, which he threw away. Garfield offers to get a mallet and wooden stake. Fruitcake jokes, folks. This is what makes Garfield...
Pity, Indeed
Jon stands beneath mistletoe (apparently awaiting a kiss from either his cat or dog?). Garfield places a signpost near him reading "Have Pity." How the cat crafted the sign, I've no idea....
Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth
The dimwitted dog tries the pull-my-finger routine on the mean, lazy cat. When pulled, instead of the unsurprising surprise burst of flatulence, the pup cha-chings like a cash-register drawer, offering something that looks like green candy canes hung on his...
He Sees You When You're Eating His Cookies, You Pudgy Bastard
Garfield, still wearing Santa's stolen hat, now consumes Santa's cookies. To add insult to injury, he does it under the cover of Santa's hat! Santa knows if you've been bad or good, you fat fuck. Stop screwing with him....
Jim Davis Probably Made Ten Times My Yearly Salary for These Ten Words
The enterprising cat has hijacked Santa's hat, returning only in exchange for his desired gifts. Garfield obviously is unfamiliar with Santa's M.O. (giving toys to children who have been nice, not those who steal his hat). My guess is the...
He Knows When You Are Confused and Disappointed
Jon says, "Garfield . . . Santa Claus is coming to town!" and Garfield thinks, "Really?" and then he thinks, "He can stay in my room!" and I think Jim Davis just doesn't care about anything at all anymore....
What a Turkey
The human catches the cat attempting to steal the turkey. These antics delight 260 million readers worldwide every day. Four percent of the planet. They love it....
As the Pizza Turns ...
Jon has finally gotten through to the pizza joint and placed an order for a pizza that's going to cost him an arm and a leg ... triple toppings of everything. Hopefully, that includes a triple helping of some self-respect....
Of Course the Fat Cat Wants Pizza, You Maroon
Jon is seen holding the phone and then asking who wants pizza. Sign of stupidity number one--hello, Jon! Why don't you ask if they want the pizza first and then pick up the phone. Why waste your time waiting for...
Jon Is Fooled by a Three-Dollar Bill, or Maybe He's as Gay as One
The cat, which nothing up his sleeve, is accused of treachery. Instead of merely walking away the better, he kicks the idiot dog off of the table, feeling obligated to do something. We're not laughing, you know....
A Play In One Act
Jon: I'm glad to have you as a pet. Garfield: Don't touch me. Y.P.R.: Please stop producing this....
Is This Shit Supposed to Be Funny?
The dog tells Garfield to go away. Garfield does. Are you kidding me?...
The Dog Should Have Killed Garfield
The cat plays on the fragile psyche of a self-described "mean" dog. The cat revels in his own "meanness." I die a little inside....
32°F or Jon's IQ: Which Is Higher?
The fish is missing and Garfield is next to the fishbowl. Where on Earth could the fish possibly be? Don't worry. Rather than leaving it to the scholars to debate this Holmesian mystery, Jim Davis solves it for us. Thank...
And Funky Winkerbean Languishes in Obscurity
We're not sure what's more disturbing: the fact that this obese cat can take down an entire hamburger in one quick bite or that Jim Davis is still getting paid real American dollars to have this slapdash, idiotic piece of...
Staring into the Abyss
The owner, who appears to have less and less to live for with each passing day, waxes aloud about his seemingly interminable day. The cat, whose laziness is surpassed only by his disdain for his human counterpart, suggests that the...
Crap in Three Panels, for almost Three Decades
Bro, this Jon dude is so totally whack....
Adventures in Primatology
Jon kisses a monkey, lets his tongue aerate as his dumb dog does....
Jim Davis's First Dick Joke
After stalking the cute perfume tester at the mall, Jon is sprayed with Eau de Sauerkraut, which, as the cat points out, goes well with wieners. (Get it? Wieners!)...
Macho Nacho
Jon ingests huge quantities of nachos to impress a girl who works in a bowling alley. Sadder than it is nauseating....
This Comic Strip Depresses the Shit out of Me
Jon, desparate for any living attention, tells his pet of the cute girl he met at the supermarket. Sad, I know. Sadder still: the cat only cares whether its master bought doughnuts. I bet the supermarket checkout girl didn't even...
Dog Licks Cone & Cat
With one literal tongue lashing, the stupid dog licks all the wicked cat's ice cream. And fur....
Get It? Because He Ate the Bird
Jon spots a single, yellow feather. "Is that a canary feather?" he asks. Garfield says, "Not anymore." This is supposedly hilarious....
Some Things Are Best Left Unsaid
Jon dates a mime, reiterates his date's choking/gagging gestures for his pet....
The Horror! The Horror!
Good God! What the hell is going on in the Arbuckle household? This little slice into their domestic affairs leaves litte wonder as to why Jon never gets laid and Garfield is such a fat unfeeling bastard. Not to mention,...
Punting Odie, Pointing at All of Us
Cat kicks dog off table, blames world cruelty....
Pavlov Is Shuffling in His Urn
Garfield begins salivating at the ring of a doorbell. When Jon presents the pizza delivered, Garfield's wet himself with anticipatory spittle....
This One Really Sucks
Jon is chillin' in the backyard's inflatable pool, sipping from a glass of ice water. Garfield, perspiring, sucks so hard on the drinking straw of Jon's beverage that the poolwater is sucked up through Jon's pores and, somehow, into the...
Curiosity Killed Something Else
Jon thinks cats are curious. Garfield demonstrates that he isn't....
The Cat Lies
The cat explains that, to the human's untrained eye, resting might look like nothing. But it's different....
Justify My Love
Jesus Christ, this cat is at it again? He's been lying on his f@#K%ng back all week. Now he's waxing philosphical about how overrated standing on your feet is. Someone put this lazy son of a bitch out of his...
Beware the Dust Mites
As Garfield slips further and further into depression, John takes it as a display of his social ineptitude. Garfield lies prone, letting his melancholy eat away at his soul. John does not hug the cat or ask what he can...
Nappy Cat
In today's adventure, our plump protagonist muses on the origin of the nap. While he discloses that he is not directly responsible for its genesis, he does reassure his devoted followers that he did indeed have a hand (or should...
Perhaps the Other End Is a Garfield Phone
Jon sets a milestone: 200 rings on the other end of an unanswered phone....
Jon Arbuckle and the Spiders from Mars
O.K., you ready? Figure out this humdinger: Jon ponders, "Who knows? Maybe there are beings on other planets." And Garfield think-replies, "Yeah . . . Chickens would be nice," bearing some nefarious-looking fangs. What the fuck? This makes zero sense....
Raining Cats
Jon blames Garfield for everything except the weather, but Garfield wants to assume blame for that too. Presumably there's humor somewhere?...
Following the Letter of the Law, but Not the Spirit
The simple human instructs the wicked cat not to kick the retarded dog. Cat slaps dog instead....
The Cat Drinks Some Super-Caffeinated Coffee
Maybe it was espresso?...
Dork Calling Orson
The dork calls for a pizza. By way of handwritten oak-tag sign, the cat instructs him to order something larger than large, and calls him a dork in the process. The dork cannot recognize a direct address without a comma,...
Timber?
A tree falls and almost hits Garfield. It lands on Jon instead, probably killing him. What the fuck? How is this funny?...
Jon Looks Hungover (Stubble, Droopy Eyes) but Garfield Guesses Correctly That the Putz Was Out Late Because He Got Lost
You know, this strip used to be intentionally vague when it presented human-feline interaction, cleverly sidestepping the issue of whether Jon could "hear" Garfield's thought balloons. I think Jim Davis has just given up....
"Meow."
The cat displays its first ever bit of feline behavior, purring for its master. The cat then admits that its contrived mew was, indeed, sappy....
Little Mouse Feet
A mouse questions the cat regarding the whereabouts of his slippers. The cat ate them, but swiftly regurgitates the rhodent's footware, amazingly whole....
Cruelty to Animals
The mongoloid mongrel fetches a ball; the wicked tabby did not want it back....
Happy Cat
The ubiquitous kitty is seen reveling in his message of hope, of dreams fulfilled. When pushed further by his mildly retarded owner, the feline reveals the context: a shopping list of food!...
The Cat Smiles
The gluttonous cat exhibits a Cheshirelike inability to drop his creepy grin, even for a second. It is because he consumed his master's last doughnut....
Cat Nap
The blissful, open-mouthed vapidity of the dog, combined with the goofy ineptitude of his mentally disabled owner, causes the cat to rhetorically ask if there's any wonder why he chooses to spend three-fourths of his day asleep....
Schrödinger's Call
The cat dials the local pizzeria and attempts to confound his mentally disabled owner by pretending the pizza dispatcher has called and wishes to speak to him....
Bet There's a Half-Eaten Bag Stuffed under the Cat's Bed
The person points out that they've reached the penultimate bag of potato chips, which is, as the cat astutely points out, unfortunate and strange. Indeed....
Standing and Delivering
The awkward human wishes to be alone. The cat offers to stand guard....
Eyes on Arbuckle
The lazy tabby cat pays his master too much attention....
Will Respond for Food
The tabby cat urges his master not to disturb him, except for the purposes of feeding....
The Supine Feline
The supine feline has the urge to exercise, but it quickly passes....
Still
The tabby cat has spent a week in his master's easy chair, postureless, glacierlike, mesmerized by the soporific television programming, existing (barely) in a Kafkaesque stupor....
That Cat Demo, Pt. III
For the third day in a row , the tabby cat sits in his master's easy chair, postureless, glacierlike. The soporific television programming bores him stupid....
The Coveted 18-to-34-Yr-Old Feline Demographic, Pt. II
Again, the lazy cat watches insipid television programming; his apathy makes him inert. Even inerter than yesterday....
The Coveted 18-to-34-Yr-Old Feline Demographic
The lazy cat watches an insipid television program; his apathy makes him inert....
Cat and Dog Watch TV
The lethargic cat and simple dog watch a television broadcast of dogs drinking from the toilet. The simple dog's excitement produces a puddle of drool. The cat laments letting the dog choose the television program....
A Concise Summary of Three Panels for Readers On-the-Go
Y.P.R. reads, absorbs, and recapitulates the salient details of the day's episode, in which the wry feline's twin sins of sloth and gluttony duke it out. Oh, that crazy cat. Delightful.
Y.P.R.'s Garfield coverage is in no way affiliated with, or even tacitly condoned by, the official comic strip "written and drawn by" Jim Davis, owned by Paws, Inc., and distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.
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