The Methicist Archives

Gorp A coworker is taking a week off to be with her 6-year-old daughter 24-7 while the little girl fasts for six days--not a total fast, but a diet of fruit, nuts, and water, part of a tradition observed, I'm told,...
Donor Secrecy I am the head of a private investigations company. We have been approached by a woman whose 4-year-old child was conceived through an anonymous sperm donor. She wants us to locate the donor so that when her child turns 18, she can tell her who her biological father is. May we ethically take the case?
S.P., New York

Listen, dick: anonymous sperm donors are either junkies seeking fast cash or perverts seeking cheap thrills, if not perverted junkies seeking both. Women who resort to sperm donors are just old-fashioned ugly. Best bet is for you to take this cow's cash and tell her the bastard's pop died a war hero.
Dealing with Dealers I live in a gentrifying neighborhood. Someone on the block is dealing drugs that, I recently learned, are less benign than I'd assumed; he's dealing crystal meth. I believe that the drug laws are overly punitive, and I've never had...
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