Dennis DiClaudio

Dennis DiClaudio submitted this Recommended Reading List for Jerked Off Pseudo-Intellectuals in lieu of a real bio: Samuel Beckett, Molloy, Malone Dies, The Unnamable; William S. Burroughs, Naked Lunch; James Joyce, Finnegan's Wake; the Marquis de Sade, 120 Days of Sodomy; Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra and Ecce Homo. In addition to being jealous of people who can read these books and enjoy them, Dennis is an editor for (parenthetical note).

— Underrated —

Five More Underrated Songs

Dennis DiClaudio

Five more underrated gems, courtesy the inimitable Mr. DiClaudio.

— Fiction —

A Message from Avian Influenza A (H5N1) to the People of Planet Earth: I Will Kill You All!

Dennis DiClaudio

Surrender all hope, human beings! I, Avian Influenza A (H5N1), have you in my crosshairs. You have no chance. Stand down and accept your fate. When my reign of terror has been fully realized, the atmosphere shall grow thick with...

— Fiction —

The As-Yet-Unaired Third "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" Advertisement

Dennis DiClaudio

John Kerry borrowed five dollars from me, and when I asked for it back, he shook his head, looked confused and said, “What five dollars?”

— Fiction —

Jake Loves the Eighties

Dennis DiClaudio

We’d just come from some girl’s party to which we’d brought a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black and left after we’d finished it ourselves.

— Fiction —

Omit Needless Words

Dennis DiClaudio

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— Non-Fiction —

The Nature of the Carolina Ghost Crab

Dennis DiClaudio

The ghost crabs that inhabit the beaches of the Carolinas are in the midst of an evolutionary change: they are evolving from marine to land creatures, which explains why one of them was living in the arid, higher-altitude area of...