One-Question Interviews Archive
Dennis DiClaudio, pathological worrywart* ? *
1. What non-hypochondriacal diseases afflict you? Dennis DiClaudioI currently suffer from a chronic case of Androgenetic Alopecia, the effects of which have been devastating and unquantifiable, at times making it difficult to maintain such basic human needs as romantic relationships. Despite years of medical research, no simple cure for this disease has yet been discovered, and I am forced, along with countless other victims of Androgenetic Alopecia, to suffer the prejudices and ridicules of an uncaring society. I would only like to ask that people look inward and try, hard as it might be, to find some germ of empathy for me and my ailing brethren. Thank you. Mr. DiClaudio is the author of The Hypochondriac’s Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have |
Sam Lipsyte, distinguished alumnus
Y.P.R.What is written about or to you in your high-school yearbook? Sam LipysteHerewith I offer a few inscriptions from my yearbook, with annotations where needed, and names removed. 1. From a guy I used to drink with:
3. This from a girl I had a crush on though like a bad teen movie it never occurred to me she might have reciprocated until she wrote her phone number in the below inscription. Or maybe she just knew I was a key drinker:
4. Finally, from a girl who dumped me:
Hope you find these entries entertaining. Best, Mr. Lipsyte us the author of the novels Home Land and The Subject Steve, and the collection Venus Drive. |
Andrei Codrescu, exquisite corpseY.P.R.1. Hey, what’s up? A.C.Nothing as far as I can see, but that’s bound to change as soon as they reverse my mood.
Mr. Codrescu is a poet, novelist, an essayist, a screenwriter, a columnist for N.P.R., and the editor of Exquisite Corpse. His most recent novel is Wakefield. |
Malcolm Gladwell, quick thinkerY.P.R.1. How’s life treating you? M.G.Well, I’m on my book tour, which is exhausting, and I’m now in England and suffering from major jetlag. But yesterday, I had a few hours off in the afternoon and went for one of those magical walks that are really only possible in London—and got transported into an alternate reality. So the answer is: not so bad. Mr. Gladwell is the author of Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking and The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference.
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Sasha Frere-Jones, music criticY.P.R.1. You’re in a time machine that’s powered by musical zeitgeist: it can traverse the time-space continuum, but its landing coordinates can only be programmed for, say, Manchester, late 70s, or Seattle, circa 1991, etc. Which music scene would you visit, and why? S/FJI’m afraid I wouldn’t get into the machine. I like confronting the present moment. I am here and have been here for a while. This means I have a good shot at keeping track of the many factors that frame and squeeze music into social and aesthetic places. Another time and place might appeal to me, but I’d simply project my fantasies onto the artifacts of that time. I am also fairly committed to checking nostalgia, inasmuch as it is a necessary function of life and needs to be reserved for that purpose. In criticism, nostalgia is deadly acid death juice. 99% of the time, it is simply an excuse to avoid the present, wax lovey dovey about youth (which was pretty great, I admit) and abandon critique. I think people should absolutely do that and have a beer and celebrate the moments of their lives. I do it all the time. At home. But critics need to check that shit. If forced, I would go back to the early 80s in New York to do some fact-checking. Sasha Frere-Jones is a music critic for The New York Times, The New Yorker, and elsewhere. He keeps a Web log at S/FJ. |
Andrew Vachss, creative factory
Y.P.R.1. Man alive! You crank out creative product like you’re hepped up on speed. What’s your writing schedule or routine look like, and how do you thwart writer’s block?
Andrew VachssI don’t have a schedule, much less a routine. Writing isn’t my job; it’s an organic extension of my real work, another weapon in the only “holy war” worthy of the name. My life is triage—I respond to whatever needs my attention at any particular time, be it a case, a crisis, or a campaign. I don’t have an agent, don’t sign contracts for books, don’t do proposals or pitches, and don’t accept advances. Thus, no deadlines. When I finish a project, I turn it in. For me, there’s no such thing as “writer’s block.” Writing is (part of) my job, and it would never occur to me not to show up for work. Mr. Vachss is the author of 18 novels, many graphic novels, and much more. His Web site is The Zero(5.0laf). |
Ned Vizzini, chill squipster
Y.P.R.1. As the editors of Y.P.R. approach the age of 30, we increasingly find ourselves in fits of white-hot jealousy and berserk outrage when we learn of young success stories. Looking back on your (slightly) younger days, were you a bratty little twerp, or were you cool and confident? Basically: what’s it like to be a teenage literary rock star? Ned VizziniI was never really a teenage literary rock star. I did write for New York Press and go to their parties when I was 15, but “literary rock star”? I don’t think those words go together—writers don’t get to be rock stars. We don’t get recognized and we don’t get many girls (although it’s tough to be a writer and not have a girlfriend; we tend to attract them and they tend to be very smart and cool). I was always very focused on writing and getting published and staying in touch with my readers, so I didn’t really have time to be a bratty little twerp. As for being cool and confident, I’ve never been that. I’ve been hyperactive and confident, maybe—guardedly confident. Timidly confident.I ain’t no rock star. Even the rock stars aren’t rock stars anymore. I’m just a stressed-out little nothing trying to make my way in the world. I happen to have published two books and to not have a day job—but believe me, there are lots of perils in living that way. I’m kind of jealous of you guys—you’ve got a .org.
Mr. Vizzini is the author of Be More Chill and the host of Feed the Young Writers, tonight (September 28th, 2004) at P.S. 122 in New York City. |
J. T. LeRoy, young Turk
Y.P.R.1. “Terminator”? What kind of a pen name is that? Please explain/defend yourself.
J. T. LeRoyI was tricking on the street and it was a name these other boy kids gave me as a joke because it is so opposite my personality.This guy would always come around and ask for Terminator. I really liked the name. It was my street name. It made me feel powerful like I had a knife in my pocket. It was like trying on another persona. Actually there were a few Terminators that hustled… a whole army of us. Some used to tag around the neighborhood and once an interviewer asked me if I had done it. It was pretty funny. Wish I could’ve taken credit for it, but I had a handwashing thing, spray paint woulda drove me nuts! That’s how I identified myself at the time, that was my life. My first story was published under the name Terminator. I guess also being on the street and all it would not have been smart to be more specific about my identity in case I wrote about something that pissed someone off.
J. T. LeRoy is the author of The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things, Sarah, and Harold’s End. His Web site is JTLeRoy.com. |
Hal Sparks, funny personY.P.R.1. Who do you encounter more often, fans who think you’re really queer as folk or fans who think you really love the 80s?Hal SparksI encounter more 80s fans than “Q.A.F.” but I think that’s because VH1 is in 80 million homes and Showtime is in 25 million. It’s a numbers game. The real question is which fans are more… fanatical! I would say the 80s group wins again. But maybe that’s cause most of them are younger… again it seems to be a numbers game.1
Mr. Sparks really likes the last few decades of American pop culture. His Web home is halsparks.com. |
Patton Oswalt, funny personY.P.R.1. Hey, you’re pretty funny dude. Could you tell us a joke?
Patton OswaltYes! I’m a professional comedian. It’s fun, always having jokes and funny stories to tell. I love making people laugh. Thank you for asking!
Mr. Oswalt is a professional comedian. He loves making people laugh. His Web home is pattonoswalt.com. |
Todd Barry, funny personY.P.R.1. Does male pattern baldness directly amplify one’s sarcasm? Todd BarryI was sarcastic long before I saw any signs of M.P.B.
Mr. Barry is a standup comedian all over the television set. His Web home is todbarry.com. |
Marc Maron, funny personY.P.R.Dear Mr. Moron,1. What was your immediate emotional response when you noticed that we accidentally misspelled your name: Did you instantly forgive an apparently honest typo, as you’ve surely encountered dozens of times before, or did your blood boil with repressed rage from years of schoolyard taunts? Marc MaronI always assume when someone writes Moron instead of Maron that it’s intentional. I immediately go into attack mode. Before I even read what the letter said some part of my mind was preparing to feed you your ass with words. Then I go to the typo scenario, which is different only in the tone. I point out the typo, address the points in the letter, but ultimately your ass gets fed to you with words for such a stupid oversight. That all said, good luck with your pamphlet or online ’zine. I’m sure it will have a tremendous impact on the people you choose to annoy with it. Remember, always B.C.C., so no one needs to know just how sad and desperate the situation really is.
Mr. Maron is a standup comic, actor, and writer who has appeared in countless clubs, in film, and Off Broadway and is the author of The Jerusalem Syndrome (based on his one-man show). He is currently co-host of “Morning Sedition” on new radio network Air America. His Web site is marcmaron.com. |
David Rees, clip-artistY.P.R.1. What’s it like to be a cartoonist who cannot draw?
David ReesIt’s faster.
Mr. Rees is the writer and (clip-)artist of Get Your War On, My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable, My New Filing Technique Is Unstoppable, and oodles more at mnftiu.cc. |
Danny Gregory, watercolor journalistY.P.R.1. Is a picture worth a thousand words? Danny GregoryI guess it depends on who you are and where you are.
If you’re Army Corporal Charles Graner of Abu Ghraib fame, this picture is worth eight words from your boss: “You are sentenced to 24 years in prison”. If you’re Donald Rumsfeld, the same picture is worth a whopping twenty-two words from your boss: “You are doing a superb job. You are a strong Secretary of Defense. And our nation owes you a debt of gratitude.” This indicates that Spc. Graner is an E-4 and earns $1991.50 per month while Sec. Rumsfeld has a much higher pay grade. On the other hand, if you write a thousand words for the average online satirical magazine, figure on not getting paid anything. Do a watercolor for an online satirical mag and figure, again, on not getting paid anything. So, online, a picture is worth pretty much the same as a thousand words. In short, I’d much rather have a picture in Yankee Pot Roast than a long sentence in the stockade. Your pal, Mr. Gregory is the author and artist of Hello World: A Life in Ham Radio and Everyday Matters, and the forthcoming Change Your Underwear Twice a Week. His Web log is Everyday Matters. |
Stephen Elliott, lover of the electoral processY.P.R.1. How’s it going?Stephen ElliottIt’s going well. We did a fundraiser last night for MoveOn.org. I organized the reading with Peter Orner and we co-hosted. It was our third event; we’ve been doing them monthly on the second Monday and we’re going to keep going through the election. Michael Chabon, Ann Cummins, Hannah Tinti, Jan Richman, Matthew Iribarne, and Tom Kealey all read. dk (featuring Dan Kennedy and his brother and someone else) also jammed during the intermission, which was awesome. I’m a big fan of his music. Unfortunately, there was an argument between the band and the bar ownership. The guys in the band were pissed off because Marty, the bar owner, hadn’t given them enough microphones or access to the soundboard. Also, nobody was really listening to the band, which was my fault. I introduced them as a group that was going to “play during the intermission” which people took as license to talk and mill about and ignore the musicians. Then the bar owner said something negative about the sound quality and the musicians said something negative back. It looked like it might get heavy for a moment. I was like, “Take it easy guys. We’re all here for a good cause.” Which I think was true. But I think Dan Kennedy’s brother told Marty to “Go fuck yourself.” After they left I asked Marty “Who do I have to blow to get a Sierra Nevada?” He pointed two thumbs at his chest and poured me a beer. Other than the band I think everybody had a great time. The audience, which was over 200, paid close attention to the authors. Michael Chabon is funny as hell and I’m not sure anybody writes stories as well as Ann Cummins. Also Tobias Wolff was there, just to hang out and show support. So was Andrew Sean Greer, whose book I’ve decided not to read. I like Andrew too much, I figure if I don’t like his novel it won’t be good for our friendship. Anyway, he hasn’t read my book either and every time I see him he apologizes for that but I tell him it’s too late for apologies. Tobias is reading at the next event, in August, and Greer read at our first one. This was our third reading and each one is better than the last. We raised $2,500. After the reading I stuck around and drank for a while, even though I knew I had to be up at 6 a.m. to pack and catch a flight to Washington, D.C. I went home with someone I shouldn’t have. She lived in the opposite direction from me. I had $2,500 in cash zippered in my pocket. I was wearing cargo pants, a white shirt, and a tie. She said we should go out and have a good time with the money, but she was only joking. I went to her place for an hour and hung out then caught a cab. At home I hid the wad of bills in my sock crate. So yeah, things are fine. I’m a little tired today. I also have a new book coming out in late September, but that’s another story. Mr. Elliott is the author of four novels, most recently Happy Baby. He has a new book coming out in late September, but that is another story. His Web site is stephenelliott.com. |
Andrew Sean Greer, planetary pathfinder Y.P.R.1. What’s going on?
Andrew Sean GreerI am staring at a box of Safeway-brand Grape Nuts rip-off called “Nutty Nuggets” and wondering why I ate that instead of the other cereal I like better, a Safeway-brand Post cereal rip-off called “Cranberry Nut Morning,” maybe to save that other cereal for a later day when I “need” it more, as a treat, or maybe I wasn’t awake enough to decide properly, and also staring at a can of Diet Coke and wondering why I drank that instead of actual coffee this morning, maybe to get it out of the fridge, or as a quirky alternative in honor of my Carolina Grandfather, who always had a Coke for breakfast, but quirky isn’t what anybody needs in the morning, and anyway feeling like I’ve started out all wrong today and should really do it over, but you can’t ever quite do that, can you? Mr. Greer is the author of the novels How It Was for Me, The Path of Minor Planets, and The Confessions of Max Tivoli. His Web site is andrewgreer.com. |
Dan Kennedy, small-talking memoiristY.P.R.1. What’s shakin’?
Dan KennedyI’m starting my fourth week back home after a little travel bender in which I think I clocked 35,000 miles in maybe a month’s time and felt like I had found the answers to everything but now maybe forgot or misplaced them. I am still/again hard at work on the next book—and last week received an unexpected and kind of surreal e-mail from my agent telling me that she’s sending over a foreign offer for Loser Goes First to be translated to Chinese, confirming my lifelong hunch that I am huge in the Zhejiang and Guangdong provinces, and that it would one day pay off modestly. Some days working on the new book involves actually getting down to writing. Today, so far, it has again involved taping another thirty pages to the wall and looking at them until I am convinced each page is worth anybody’s every last cent handed over to a bookstore clerk in 2005. In other news, my girlfriend Maria has rather defensively informed anyone who will listen around here that her hobbies are “Larry King Live” and “magazines.” Lately my rests on the blue couch are interrupted by the nightmare of an assistant gone stark-raving wild-dog insane on me, which I’ve embraced, because his behavior is always reminding me of this gray wolf me and Ben saw in Montana in the evening earlier this summer, and recalling the wolf that night puts me in a good mood to write more. Also, somebody checked out a book from the Hennepin County Library in Minneapolis then sent it here to headquarters very anonymously. All about the search for the fourteenth Dalai Lama (J921.1996 Stewart, Whitney, 1959– The 14th Dalai Lama: Spiritual Leader of Tibet) and folks here are trying to convince me this is some kind of spiritual message meant to find me. Wolf-boy stares at the book silently for hours before saying something random and spasmodic like, “Keep your mustache. And not as a joke.” At dinners everyone agrees on this: the fact that this Scott Peterson guy on CNN every night seems like bad news anyway you look at him. There’s this S.F. reading with Eggers and crew coming up, and then its back to New York after hanging around out there for the holiday weekend.
Mr. Kennedy is the author of the memoir Loser Goes First, which will be available in paperback on August 24th. He is the editor of Really Small Talk. |
Jonathan Ames, randy writerY.P.R.1. What did your mom say the first time she read your tales of ribaldry?
Jonathan AmesI don’t remember. What a funny word: ribaldry. And funny that I should say funny, since ribaldry has to do with funny. It would seem to mean a rib that is bald and dry. Wait a second, I just looked up ribaldry; it has more to do with blaspheme and indiscretion and obscenity… But now I look closer with my quite exhausted eyes and for ‘ribald’ it says: ‘irreverent jester.’ That’s pretty good. I’m a jester. Not too irreverent though. I believe in things. Anyway, my first book came out in 1989. I vaguely recall my mom telling me that even if I had experimented with homosexuality (she was making an oblique reference to an oblique reference to—well, not too oblique—a graphic anal rape scene in the book) that she loved me regardless and didn’t judge me. She’s a very good mother. I love her. She knows I love her, but I wish she really knew. That time could slow down enough so that someone could really know just how much you love them. Time seems to move too fast for this to come across. Mr. Ames is the author of five books, including The Extra Man, My Less Than Secret Life and, most recently, Wake Up, Sir! He can be found on the Web at jonathanames.com. |
Neal Pollack, supercharged satiristY.P.R.1. How come us Jewish folks are so hairy? I look like Robin Williams and the Wolfman had a kid.
Neal PollackBody hair, as you know, contains your unique “chemical signature,” designed by nature to sexually attract other mammals. From personal experience, I know that Jews get laid all the time, so we must smell good. Therefore, we’re so hairy because God wanted us to be that way. Note to Jews: Do NOT get rid of your body hair, because that will lead to the extermination of your people, unless you’ve already reproduced with a non-Jew, in which case you’ve already screwed up everything. Mr. Pollack is the author of Never Mind the Pollacks, Beneath the Axis of Evil, and The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature. His Web site is www.nealpollack.com. |
Tom Perrotta, novelistY.P.R.1. Which do you prefer (to munch on, not to adorn book covers): Pepperidge Farm Goldfish or chocolate-chip cookies?
Tom PerrottaI prefer chocolate chip cookies. They don’t have as many lawyers.   Mr. Perrotta is the author of the novels Little Children, Election, Bad Haircut, The Wishbones, and Joe College. |
