John Harnetiaux

John Harnetiaux lives in Japan, where he eats a majority of his meals with two thin pieces of wood called "chopsticks." He often refers to his friends as "homeboys," and his last name is undeniably French. He likes water-slide parks, too.

Self-Justification People say I'm crazy, but I think it's just because I'm doing what I'm doing. They often tell me that I'm a bit of a cold character, but I've assured them it is only because sometimes, without warning, I become...
The Goonies' Lawrence "Chunk" Cohen Prepares His Cover Letter for an M.F.A. in Creative Writing Oh, c'mon you guys, let me in, seriously! My cousin Gerry said the program was really fun and that you can write stories and stuff, and that if you're really good the school will, like, give you money that he said this was a sti… a stip... money that you can use for anything like pizza or Baby Ruths or--AHH SHIT!!!
Die Hard with a Pencil
Die Hard Police Officer John McClane Prepares His Cover Letter for Admission to an M.F.A. in Creative Writing Program Look, I'll level with ya: I'm not writing this goddamned essay for any reason other than my wife Holly, so let's get that fuckin' straight right now. Holly said something like, "John, you gotta get in touch with your imagination, John, you gotta express yourself more," and I was like, "What the shit you think I've been doing my last 20 years as a cop?!" ...

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