Popular 80s Songs About Zombies
Alexandra Salerno, Katherine Salerno, & Alana Quirk
(I Always Feel Like) Somebody's Eating Me
Wit of Winston
"Cheap and nasty," said Churchill, "How I like my whores."
Ways in Which Sarah Palin Will Spin Massive Amounts of Snow to Mock Global Warming
Dontcha know it got cold when God heard we were worried ’bout the weather gettin' warmer!
Lesser-Known Rules of Fight Club
We don't beat people in your bathroom; please don't pee in our basement.
Personal Injury Lawyer Goes on a Date
“Excuse me while I slip and fall into something more comfortable.”
Oft-Overlooked Winter Olympic Sports
Bobsledding, skating, and skiing are all great, but don’t these other winter sports deserve just as much coverage?
Death by Listicle
Prom Dates from Hell / Other Ways to Skin a Cat / Alternatives to "Finish Him!" in
Mortal Kombat / Expiration by Twinkie / Other Things That Are Killing Me Softly
Other Things That Are Killing Me Softly
The slow, insidious destruction of the middle class.
Other Ways to Skin a Cat
Tell the cat that skin is an unrealistic standard of beauty perpetuated by the media and Maybelline.
Prom Dates from Hell
Formal Wear and Pitchforks
Broadway Listicles
Brutally Realistic Versions of Famous Musicals / How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? / Ways in Which I Would Refer to Sex if I Were a Bawdy Extra in an English Period Drama
Overheard in Spaghetti Warehouse
"Eating the Incredible 15-Layer Lasagna in this trolley car is everything I dreamed it'd be."
The Afghanistan Government's Economic Stimulus Plan
Extra funds will be invested in environmentally friendly "sand-colored" jobs as well as toward a ruler to help draw an energy grid.
Beating a Dead Horse
(Triple Crown Equine Nomenclature)
Suggested Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers
Curious Factoids Revealed by Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin Following An All-Night Presidents’ Day Pub Crawl
To soothe his jangled nerves before an important speech, Andrew Jackson would often toss a small Seminole child into the Potomac.
25 Facts About Me
The first fact is something most people don't know. The second fact states the obvious, which should amuse you.
Stuff Fictional Characters Would Leave at My Apartment if We Broke Up
The detritus of literary ex-boyfriends Dr. Jeckyll, Captain Ahab, and Humbert Humbert ...
New Categories on Santa's List
Nice, but Voted for Bush Twice
Boorish Pickup Lines Inspired by the Recession
Baby, you should take a walk on Wall Street to boost the Dow,
'cause you're sure putting a spike in my pants.
Eleven Improbable but Nonetheless Real Baked Goods
Listed in Descending Order of the Amount of Puerile Imagination Required to Make them Ripe with Sexual or Scatological Innuendo.
Top Five List of List-Related Lists
Meta overload for list-makers, list-lovers, and the list of list-lovers who love them.
Ill-Conceived Musical Double Billings
or, Ways in Which a Booking Agent Could Get Fired
Top Five Animal Pop Star Names
Rock Groups Featuring Animals but Not Eric Burdon.
8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Who Is Estranged from Me
1. Don't hit her. Take it from me, that makes her super estrangey.
Setlist: Mime Hero
The hot new game from Activision.
"Yo' Momma" Jokes, as Told by Nerds
Your Mother is so slow she uses the ISA Slot and 1000KB of RAM.
Hobo or Fast Food Entrée?
Can you tell a can o' beans from a bum?
Two (2) Listicles
An itemized list of lists.
Science & Medicine
Unfortunate Typos; Musical Ailments; F.A.Q.s for Girls
Rock Band or Human Ailment?
Earth, Wind, and Fibromyalgia
Things I Suspect Carlos Mencia Has Stolen from Me, Other Than Jokes
My original television series concept, entitled
Central Nervous System of Mencia ...
Over the Partition with Nary a Bounce: Home Run Calls I'd Love to Hear
The fat lady of myth and legend may have not sung as yet, but she is most certainly humming a rather jaunty tune! [
Said while tipping back boater hat and pouring out a handful of crackerjack.]
Ultimate Power Anthems of the Agnostic
Shout to the Lord (Seems, in All Honesty, a Reactionary, if Not Drunken, Outburst Unworthy of the Most Rudimentary
A Priori Examination)
Lesser-Known Quotations from Famous People
Some notable words that never made
Bartlett's.
Hip Hopsticles
Why LL Cool J is Going Back to Cali | Why Rap Is Freezing | Instructions from Michael Jackson
Dirty Deeds Done Not So Dirt Cheap
Tyler Stoddard Smith & Greg Boose
Pricey pranks and ostentatious malevolence.
Lives of the Mutant Ninja Turtles
Midlife crises on the half-shell.
Popular Adages from Surly Richard's Almanack
"Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and I hate you."
Most Tortured Pitchfork Descriptions of Singers' Voices
"… like Björk if she were on a bus driven by Leslie Feist that only stopped at Ronnie Spector's smoke-filled diner."
Yo-Momma-So-Fat Jokes Through the Ages
Yo momma so fat, when Rome fell, she broke its fall.
If the Beatles Were Jews
"You’ve Got to Hide Anne Frank Away"
More Less Traditional Mafia Hit Men
Benny Basic Cable, Airbags Malloy, Barry A'Tricks, Serotonin-Sucking Sal, and Angelo The Milkman.
Less Traditional Mafia Hit Men
Vinnie the Exfoliator, Paper Cuts Ralphie, Cinnabon Louie, and Dominic the Dactyl Displacer.
Post-9/11 Alternatives to No Fear
Giuli Couture
Terror Alert Colors of Benetton
Holliburton
Axis of Evil & Fitch
American Apparel
The Best Damn Sports Show Period Presents the Top End-Zone Celebrations of 2007
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is fined $10,000 by the N.F.L. for "excessive irony."
Lesser Known Characters from Dickens's A Christmas Carol
Dick Dicklewicker, Tucker Bisby, Sweets Plushbottom, and more minor players from the holiday classic.
My Problems with Story Problems
1.) Incomplete narrative arcs.
2.) One-dimensional characterizations.
3.) Who still travels by train?
Designer Dog Breeds: Rapper's Edition
Fox Hound + Schnauzer = Fo Schnizzle
Chance Cards in Liberty City Monopoly
You receive your cut from a jewel heist: collect $50
