The Swiss Miss Index
Your guide to Swedes and Swiss.
50 Unanswered Questions on Lost
What the hell is going on? Does anyone have any Dramamine?
Observations of Gregory Ash, Trash Culture Snob
* When viewing paparazzi photos, refers the reverent diplomacy of JustJared.com to the nihilistic insouciance of PerezHilton.com
Southern Church Flavors
The finest flavors from God's kitchen.
Warning-Label Copy That Would Benefit from Tighter Editing
Careful, the beverage you're about to enjoy may be extremely hot. And there's a good chance you won't even enjoy it, actually. You know how it has that weird burnt taste sometimes, especially when Travis makes it?
Google Maps Gives Me Directions
1. Head nowhere - last 10 yrs or so
The Effects of Global Warning
Color-coded warnings applied to ice-cream supply in school cafeterias
Overheard at Ted Nugent's Easter Egg Hunt
Hey, did you take the last Peep? Seriously, man, did you take my last Peep?
Possible Noms de Plume
I Might Use for My Novel / T.S. Eliot's Opinions of the Other Eleven Months / The Steamboat Sessions: Early Musings of Samuel Clemens / Five Early Working Titles for The Vagina Monologues
/ Great Works of Literature AutoSummarized by Microsoft Office Word 2003 Edition
Possible Noms de Plume I Might Use for My Novel
Fyodor Rudyard Greatwriter and other great fake names.
The Steamboat Sessions: Early Musings of Samuel Clemens
I have never let my schooling interfere with my learnin'.
Yo-Momma-So-Fat Jokes from Bible Camp
Yo momma so fat, after 40 days and 40 nights of rain, her feet were still dry.
First Lines of Rejected College Essays
College campuses would be much safer places if students were allowed to carry guns.
Least Popular Facebook Quizzes
Which Teenage Vampire Would You Support for U.S. Senator? (My result: Bella from Twilight
Popular 80s Songs About Zombies
(I Always Feel Like) Somebody's Eating Me
Wit of Winston
"Cheap and nasty," said Churchill, "How I like my whores."
Ways in Which Sarah Palin Will Spin Massive Amounts of Snow to Mock Global Warming
Dontcha know it got cold when God heard we were worried 'bout the weather gettin' warmer!
Lesser-Known Rules of Fight Club
We don't beat people in your bathroom; please don't pee in our basement.
Personal Injury Lawyer Goes on a Date
"Excuse me while I slip and fall into something more comfortable."
Oft-Overlooked Winter Olympic Sports
Bobsledding, skating, and skiing are all great, but don't these other winter sports deserve just as much coverage?
Death by Listicle
Prom Dates from Hell / Other Ways to Skin a Cat / Alternatives to "Finish Him!" in Mortal Kombat
/ Expiration by Twinkie / Other Things That Are Killing Me Softly
Other Things That Are Killing Me Softly
The slow, insidious destruction of the middle class.
Other Ways to Skin a Cat
Tell the cat that skin is an unrealistic standard of beauty perpetuated by the media and Maybelline.
Prom Dates from Hell
Formal Wear and Pitchforks
Brutally Realistic Versions of Famous Musicals / How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? / Ways in Which I Would Refer to Sex if I Were a Bawdy Extra in an English Period Drama
Overheard in Spaghetti Warehouse
"Eating the Incredible 15-Layer Lasagna in this trolley car is everything I dreamed it'd be."
The Afghanistan Government's Economic Stimulus Plan
Extra funds will be invested in environmentally friendly "sand-colored" jobs as well as toward a ruler to help draw an energy grid.
Beating a Dead Horse
(Triple Crown Equine Nomenclature)
Suggested Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers
Curious Factoids Revealed by Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin Following An All-Night Presidents' Day Pub Crawl
To soothe his jangled nerves before an important speech, Andrew Jackson would often toss a small Seminole child into the Potomac.
25 Facts About Me
The first fact is something most people don't know. The second fact states the obvious, which should amuse you.
Stuff Fictional Characters Would Leave at My Apartment if We Broke Up
The detritus of literary ex-boyfriends Dr. Jeckyll, Captain Ahab, and Humbert Humbert ...
New Categories on Santa's List
Nice, but Voted for Bush Twice
Eleven Improbable but Nonetheless Real Baked Goods
Listed in Descending Order of the Amount of Puerile Imagination Required to Make them Ripe with Sexual or Scatological Innuendo.
Top Five List of List-Related Lists
Meta overload for list-makers, list-lovers, and the list of list-lovers who love them.
Some musical listicles, so that you may rock on with your bad self.
Ill-Conceived Musical Double Billings
or, Ways in Which a Booking Agent Could Get Fired
Top Five Animal Pop Star Names
Rock Groups Featuring Animals but Not Eric Burdon.
8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Who Is Estranged from Me
1. Don't hit her. Take it from me, that makes her super estrangey.
Setlist: Mime Hero
The hot new game from Activision.
"Yo' Momma" Jokes, as Told by Nerds
Your Mother is so slow she uses the ISA Slot and 1000KB of RAM.
Food for Thoughtlessness
Bum Food, Hurt Waffles, & Gross Treats
Hobo or Fast Food Entrée?
Can you tell a can o' beans from a bum?
Two (2) Listicles
An itemized list of lists.
Rejected Sympathy Card Sentiments
Sorry for your loss. I hope you got some decent casseroles.
Science & Medicine
Unfortunate Typos; Musical Ailments; F.A.Q.s for Girls
Rock Band or Human Ailment?
Earth, Wind, and Fibromyalgia
Things I Suspect Carlos Mencia Has Stolen from Me, Other Than Jokes
My original television series concept, entitled Central Nervous System of Mencia
Over the Partition with Nary a Bounce: Home Run Calls I'd Love to Hear
The fat lady of myth and legend may have not sung as yet, but she is most certainly humming a rather jaunty tune! [Said while tipping back boater hat and pouring out a handful of crackerjack.
Ultimate Power Anthems of the Agnostic
Shout to the Lord (Seems, in All Honesty, a Reactionary, if Not Drunken, Outburst Unworthy of the Most Rudimentary A Priori
Lesser-Known Quotations from Famous People
Some notable words that never made Bartlett's
Why LL Cool J is Going Back to Cali | Why Rap Is Freezing | Instructions from Michael Jackson
Dirty Deeds Done Not So Dirt Cheap
Pricey pranks and ostentatious malevolence.
Lives of the Mutant Ninja Turtles
Midlife crises on the half-shell.