Michael Fowler

Michael Fowler wears a penis patch for more inches and sucks only meatless lozenges. Something of a bon vivant, he enjoys going through revolving doors with women.

Too Stupid to be President Barack Obama (D-IL) explained romance for CNN viewers. “You love a woman the same way you grill a burger, Wolf. Till the juices run clear. Love her till the juices run clear.”
The Case of the London Terrorists I held the morning London Times before me, the cold remains of my breakfast kipper on my plate, when Sherlock Holmes joined me at table. Holmes was not in a jovial mood. His dressing gown was tied carelessly, and he...
Wittgenstein: The Crank Calls Respondent: Evening Standard, editorial desk. Wittgenstein: Reading your newspaper is a TORTURE to me. Respondent: Would you care to cancel your subscription, sir? Wittgenstein: I find your attitude QUITE UNBEARABLE. [Crash of receiver.] * * * Respondent: Moore’s Clocks,...
An Animals' Forum: Was It Right for Researchers to Grow Human Brain Cells in My Head? "We couldn’t rule out the possibility that certain experiments could potentially alter the cognitive or emotional status of the animal in ways that would be problematic from an ethical point of view."--Dr. Ruth Faden, biomedical ethicist, Johns Hopkins University Tallulah,...
Prepping for My First Out-of-Body Experience My guide to out-of-body travel, Dr. Morris Goldblatt, Ph.D., tells me that I can simulate my upcoming journey in the following way: Affix a mirror to the ceiling of an elevator, lie on the floor of the elevator so that...
William Shakespeare, da Bard Shall I compare thy booty to a summer’s day, bitch?
The Tonight Symposium ED: Tonight, from the Theater of Dionysus in Athens, our special guests: playwright Sophocles; actress Téa Leoni; and the music of KRS-One! Plus, Doc Severinsen and the Theban Orchestra. I’m Ed McMahonides, and now, heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Johnny ... ! Theme music....
New Releases This Week This week’s column reviews new CDs by the bands Acid Raindrops, Figgy Pudding, Nitrous Oxide and Operation Freedom. The Acid Raindrops are back after last year’s Good Humor Got Killed announced a strong new presence in music. Just released is...
My Yard I’ve done what I can to transform my suburban yard into an environment that I truly enjoy, and at the same time keep up standards for my neighbors. And though I get some funny looks from the nabes and even...

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