Mike Richardson-Bryan

Mike Richardson-Bryan used to be a lawyer, but he's all better now. No, really. His work has also appeared on McSweeney's Internet Tendency, in the pages of Cracked, Stitches, and The Wittenburg Door, and recently appeared in The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007. He lives in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada with one wife and two dogs.

Sisyphus Dabbles in Haiku Some things are certain / Death and taxes, for instance / Also, gravity
Yo-Momma-So-Fat Jokes from Bible Camp Yo momma so fat, after 40 days and 40 nights of rain, her feet were still dry.
Other Things That Are Killing Me Softly The slow, insidious destruction of the middle class.
Alternatives to "Finish Him!" in Mortal Kombat "Curtains!"
Future State-Themed Restaurants New Jersey's Hair Rock Café
Beating a Dead Horse
(Triple Crown Equine Nomenclature)
Suggested Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers
New Categories on Santa's List Nice, but Voted for Bush Twice
Submissions, in Their Entirety, to Zeptofiction: The Journal of Excruciatingly Short Fiction Very short stories from Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, Stephen King, Jackie Collins, and Terry Pratchett.
More Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers Equine Nomenclature Gamblers Should Avoid
Remember the Children Our once-beautiful airship, the Frau Fenstermacher, is doomed, crippled by a combination of albatross collisions and sabotage. Captain Hofstadter is dead, impaled on his own cane-sword, taking with him the secret location of Isla de Pelucas Perdidos. We are losing altitude as I speak, and will soon plunge into the shark-infested waters of the Caribbean.
Monster Island Welcomes You! Monster Island boasts everything the world traveler expects from a premier vacation getaway, including a five-star restaurant, a full-service spa, and a first-class burn ward.
How To
Superhero, Supervillain, or Supertramp? So you've been blasted by cosmic rays, or bitten by a genetically-engineered insect, or doused in toxic waste...
How To
An Important Message About Breast Health from Antonio Banderas If you like, you may imagine that it is my fingers, still rough from many hours of sword training, that are so insistently probing your bosom.
Yo-Momma-So-Fat Jokes Through the Ages Yo momma so fat, when Rome fell, she broke its fall.
Magneto, Master of Magnetism, Holds Open Tryouts for the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants Behold! The terrifying might of the fearsome Baffler! The mighty terror of the dreaded Beshemoth! The ursine villainy that is the terrible Maulbearer!
A Treasury of Best-Loved Bolshevik Christmas Carols O Come, All Ye Fearful
Liberty City Chance
Chance Cards in Liberty City Monopoly You receive your cut from a jewel heist: collect $50
Unwanted Ads Adorable ragdoll kittens. We don't want any. Ever.
Are you hot? Sexy women, 18+, not needed by production company shooting dull crafting videos for export. If you've got what it takes and you'll do anything to make it, please reevaluate your life ...
My Court-Ordered Apology In compliance with the order of Judge Goodman, I humbly offer the following apologies to those I have wronged. To the people of Cheyenne, Wyoming, I am sorry for ruining your beloved Frontier Days Parade. I should have known that...
Corollaries to Godwin's Law "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one."
Excerpts from The Burning Bonnet: A Tale of Love and Longing Amongst the Amish Try as she might to keep her mind on her washing, Sarah's eyes kept drifting back to Ezekiel. How powerful he looked as he guided the plow, his broad back straining to steer it straight through the rich Appalachian soil,...
Suggested Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers Average at Best
Ayn Rand's Condescending Sigh
Buyer's Remorse
Colic the Wonder Horse . . .

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