Ralph Gamelli

Ralph Gamelli has been published in MonkeyBicycle, Raging Face, Science Creative Quarterly, and McSweeney's. He's the kind of person who, if he hears you utter the word "cashew," would quickly say "gesundheit" in response and then brush it off as a stupid joke. But secretly he thinks it's hilarious.

Google Maps Gives Me Directions FROM: My apartment TO: Girlfriend's apartment Head north at Broad St. – 1.9 mi Take ramp onto US-5 N – 4.2 mi Take exit 3 toward Glenview – .2 mi Turn left at Lathrop St – 1.6 mi Arrive...
The Unhappy Life of Johnny Zapfinger, the Boy Who Could Shoot Lightning from His Finger Or else what? You'll use your lightning finger to fry me to a crisp? Or maybe you'll just give me a quick zap and teach me a lesson in humility that'll forever change my perspective on the narrow definition of what it means to be normal, and which will positively affect the way I'll interact with people from this day forward?
Now That I'm an International Jewel Thief Greetings from the French Riviera.

That's right. The postmark is real. I've gone ahead and done it. I've become an international jewel thief, just as I said I would.

Remember how you roared with delight the first time I admitted this secret desire of mine ...

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