Each and every day, Y.P.R. sends an honest-to-God birthday card to its favorite celebrity. Come, celebrate with us.
November 25, 1971 | Christina Applegate | actress
Dear Ms. Applegate,
Happy 32nd Birthday! Christina, you've long known of my love for you, which burns with the power of the a thousand suns. As a special birthday gift, I've written you a song. It's called "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss," and it's all about you. I've sampled the beat from Spandau Ballet's "True," which you may remember from your sixth-grade dance in 1985. Tell me, when can I come to your house to perform it for you? How's Sunday?
November 24, 1956 | Ted Bundy | mass murderer
November 24, 1938 | Charles Starkweather | bell-tower sniper
Dear Starkweather & Bundy,
Holy crap, you guys share a birthday? I'm seriously creeped out. I know it's also comedian Billy Connolly's birthday today, and that daffy Scot has got psycho-killer written all over him. Anyway, I'm glad you pricks are dead.
Hope it's warm down there,
November 20, 1956 | Bo Derek | actress
O.K., here's the deal. I'm shooting, 10: 25 Years Later, and I'd love for you to reprise your role. As you can see, I've got everything we need to take care of business. In the wake of Dudley's demise, I've arranged for his part to be played by versatile veteran character actor Rowan Atkinson ("Mr. Bean"). I don't want to jinx it, but we're in negotiations to have Jm J. Bullock play the Robert Webber part. Dame Maggie Smith will be taking the place of Julie Andrews because Ms. Andrew's doesn't think that it's a "real movie" when you shoot in someone's mother's basement.
Anyway, let me know your availability.
Oh, Happy Birthday!
November 19, 1960 | Meg Ryan | actress
Thanks for "In the Cut." I've been waiting 20 years to see your boobs.
P.S. Nice nips.
November 14, 1964 | Patrick Warburton | actor
November 12, 1966 | David Schwimmer | ross
Happy 37th Birthday!
What's the deal with your hair? It just keeps growing and growing and growing. Pretty soon it's going to be as big as your head (which we're comfortable saying is pretty goddamn big). What, can you not afford to go to the barber on the salary they pay you at that show of yours? I'll tell you what: I'm an amateur hair-stylist (read: I have a set of clippers and some spare time). Why don't you swing by the house a little later on and we'll make those locks of yours a little more manageable? I'll have the wife whip up a bouillabaisse. Mussels, clams, the whole thing. What do you say? Do we have a deal?
Think about it.
November 11, 1962 | Demi Moore | sugar momma
Dear Ms. Moore,
I love you. A lot. Seriously. A lot. I have a life-sized picture of you from the cover of Vanity Fair hanging over my bed. You are an inspiration to pregnant women like me everywhere. When G.I. Jane came out, I shaved my head. When Indecent Proposal came out, I slept with a guy that wasn't my husband. I do that a lot though.
Hey, question: Is it "De-MEE" or "DEH-me"? I've been saying it the first way, but if I'm wrong I'll change. Also, is it "Ca-RIB-ean" or "Ca-ri-BEE-an"? I've been saying it the first way also.
November 6, 1946 | Sally Field | actress
Why you gotta be a stuck up bitch, yo? I wrote you a letter asking if I could lay the pipe down on your thang and put your story down on the paper. You didn't even write me back. Why's it gotta be like that, for real?
Happy Birthday. Bitch.
November 5, 1941 | Art Garfunkel | singer
Happy 62nd Birthday!
Three words for you Art: "Siegfried & Garfunkel."
All the best,
© MMIII, Yankee Pot Roast Light & Magic