Yankee Pot Roast


The Choire Sicha Roast

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Brian Sack

Like most folks, I have never encountered a name as difficult to pronounce as Choire Sicha’s. To see it spelled as he spells it and hear it pronounced as he fancies having it pronounced follows the same logical pattern as pointing to a papaya and saying “fidget.”

I was first introduced to Choire’s existence in late 2003 when, through some grapevine of sorts, I learned something I’d written anonymously had appeared in a website called Gawker. That was the first I’d heard of Gawker, but I soon learned it was a weblog. That was the first I’d heard of a weblog, but I soon came to realize that a successful one was a potential stepping stone in the world of publishing, as well as an opportunity to make tens of dollars a year.

I contacted Choire, but not before Googling the name to find out how one would pronounce it, and what kind of genitalia it might come with. Armed with the cumbersome guidelines to pronouncing his name and the knowledge that he was a gentleman, I approached him electronically and took credit for my piece, a plea for my wife to stop reading Us Magazine. Choire remarked that he had loved it and he encouraged me to write more.

Apparently a complete stranger from a website I’d never heard of telling me “write more” was just the motivation I needed. It wasn’t long before I too was in the blogging business, making tens of dollars a year. With this month’s earnings alone I’ve supplemented my lifestyle with a Moleskine notebook and a Frappuccino. Venti.

As editor of Gawker, many bloggers placed Choire’s attention in high esteem. A link from Gawker was gold to a blogger, worth thousands of visits to their sites. That made Choire a powerful man in the blogosphere—one who needn’t suffer any fools, and who could demand blowjobs on anything that brought in over 5,000 hits.

It remains to be seen what Choire in his new position will be able to offer the humble blogger. If it is determined that he is even more powerful, more blogoriffic, then you can rest assured he’ll be up to his neck in ass-kissing and blowjobs for a long time to come. As for myself, I’m taking no chances. I’ll be in the men’s room at SoHo House, third glory hole on the left.

The Choire Sicha Roast