Sandy Koufax pitched 12 years with the Brooklyn/Los Angeles Dodgers, retiring after the 1966 season with a career record of 165-87 and a career ERA of 2.76. He was a six-time National League All-Star and captured two Cy Young Awards, two World Series MVPs, and one National League MVP. He is widely considered the greatest Jewish athlete in history. He is definitely NOT gay. This is his story.
KOUFAX! (THE MUSICAL)
A young SANDY KOUFAX sits on the curb, throwing a ball in his mitt. A POLICEMAN walks by.
POLICEMAN: Hello, Sandy. How's that arm of yours?
KOUFAX: Just fine, sir.
POLICEMAN: You going to pitch us to the championship this year?
KOUFAX: I hope so, sir.
POLICEMAN: Well, keep out of trouble.
KOUFAX: I will, sir.
KOUFAX: That's all they ever say to me. Pitch us to the championship, Sandy. Stay out of trouble, Sandy. What if, well, what if I want to be... a dancer?
Song: "I'm Wearing The Wrong Shoes"[Sung to a melody I made up in my head.]
Left side of the stage: 1965 World Series, Game 1. The L.A. Dodgers clubhouse is full, but there is a somber mood and a noticeably empty chair that reads "Koufax" on the back. Manager WALTER ALSTON, new starting pitcher DON DRYSDALE and owner WALTER O'MALLEY speak together downstage left.
Right side of the stage: SANDY KOUFAX is in temple. He is wearing a yarmulke and tallis.
O'MALLEY: Koufax is sitting today?
ALSTON: Yes, sir. He is. Drysdale is going to pitch for us today.
O'MALLEY: But he just pitched yesterday.
DRYSDALE: I'm ready to go sir.
KOUFAX: Baruch atta adonai ...
O'MALLEY: We're counting on you until Koufax gets back, son.
DRYSDALE: I know, sir. I'm a veteran also.
ALSTON: Don's been with the team for 10 years.
O'MALLEY: What the hell do I know? I'm nothing but an old fool who moved the team from the city that loved it just to make some more money. I'm going to go light a cigar with a $100 bill. Excuse me.
KOUFAX: Adonai es hamvorach ...
Song: "Canticle (A Jew's Defense)" [Sung to the tune of "Cabron" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.]
SANDY KOUFAX walks in stage left. JANE LEAVY, his biographer, accompanies him. The two walk slowly and with little endeavor. COLONEL PICKERING stands idly alongside KOUFAX.
JANE: Now, Mr. Koufax...
KOUFAX: Please, call me Sandy.
JANE: OK, Sandy. What do you think was the best part of your game?
KOUFAX: Simple. My ERA. Wouldn't you say, Pickering?
JANE: And your favorite city?
KOUFAX: I was born in Brooklyn, but I love L.A.
JANE: To live?
KOUFAX: To play.
SERVANTS enter from both sides of the stage.
Song: "You Played In L.A." [Sung to the tune of "The Rain In Spain" from My Fair Lady.]