what stinks in here?
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April 14, 2003       |       Today's Terrorist Threat Level: PERIWINKLE.       |       Happy Birthday, Adrien Brody!

suck it.

T O P   T E N   T H I N G S
T H A T   S U C K E D
A B O U T   M Y   D A Y
( I N   N O
P A R T I C U L A R   O R D E R )


BY
JASON KUCHARSKY



6. Oprah discussed the war with Iraq; many women were waiting to hear what they should think. Also, I was home and watching Oprah.

2. The toilet paper at work was downgraded to half-ply. With visible wood chips.

10. My accountant told me the only reason I would be getting a return this year was due to the fact I fall into the same tax bracket as unemployed single mothers. But would they date me?

8. While rummaging through a drawer in search of a girlís number, I came across a photo of myself when I was young, thin, and happy. The number she gave me: Not her number.

1. I decided to quit cigarettes again, but saw: "Limited-Time Offer! 3 Packs for the Price of 2!" So, moral of the story: a good bargain trumps healthy lungs.

5. I checked my balance at a bodega's ATM to see if a check had cleared. I got hit with a $2.50 cover charge, which in turn thwarted my exact-to-the-penny mental balancing and caused the check I was checking to bounce.

6. The lady at the Chinese take-out place asked me if I was my fatherís brother or son. Also, they were out of moo-shoo pork.

3. That's all I can think of. But I'm sure there's more.




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i condemn thee to hades, foul beast!


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