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[ * Well, if ya missed it yesterday, there's some stale cerveza waiting for you. Go read Cinco de Mayo! * ]
BY My God, look at the size of this kid�s feet. He�s gonna be a monster. What do you mean how can I tell? Just look at them. We have to get this kid into Pete Newell�s Big Man camp ASAP. Pete Newell�s, he coaches all the best NBA centers in the summer. Out in Hawaii. Oh, our boy will love Hawaii, just look at him. Honey, honey, don�t worry, Pete Newell�s Big Man Camp accepts young people too. No, no, he�s not too young. You�re crazy. Not quite as crazy as when you thought I was going to really stab you with that steak knife. I know. You�re right, I did chase you around the house. Yes, I suppose I was relentless. But you spilled A-1 on yourself. I was kidding; I wasn�t really going to cut you like a steak. Oh, come on, I just said that. Bygones, honey, bygones. Look at this kid. That�s my boy, you�re my boy! He can hear me just fine, he�s not deaf. Hey, doc, you know LeBron James went straight to the pros from high school? Yeah, they�ve been recruiting him supposedly since he was in 7th or 8th grade. My boy? He�s gonna sign a deal in the next few weeks. I�m not crazy doc, and you should watch what comes out of your jaw box over there. I�m payin� your bills remember. Honey, look at the size of his head! He�s gonna be a seven-footer for sure. This will be wonderful. I have calls into Coach K, the Syracuse cue ball, what�s his name? Boeheim -- that�s it, thanks Doc -- and I put in a call to the NBA to to see what his chances are for the draft. Nice spin, baby, yeah! That�s my motherfucking son. You�re right honey, I�ll watch my language, not in front of the lad. But you know he�s going to learn it traveling from city to city? He�s going to be a young millionaire. He might even sow some oats if you know what I mean. Ouch! Ok, we�ll teach him right from wrong sure. His arms look long. Wonderful, wonderful. I wonder if I should look into West Coast schools for him too? Oh what am I talking about, let�s just convince him to go straight to the pros. He�s going to be huge with a capital U, UGE! You like that one, doc? I made it up myself. Be careful or I�ll make him dunk on your MD ass. Honey, you say its just a sonogram but that�s my son. He�s gonna be a pro player. Oh come now, I�m not being ridiculous. What? 5�5� Jewish kids can�t make the pros? So I married an anti-Semite? Oh please, I wasn�t trying to stick a basketball in your private place for no reason honey? Yeah, I read that the earlier they start holding a ball, the better. In the crib, no, that would have been too late. Hey Doc, I bet you�ve never even seen a left hand like that? My son�s going to the NBA. UCLA! That�s where I�m sending him, the pros can wait. Honey, I�ll be right back, I�m going to call UCLA. What? Security? Get your hands off me. Doc, DOC! Ok, honey, I�ll see you at home, I have plans to make.
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